Wandering along her moon river.

In the last two hours of 2010...

2010-12-31T23:47:00.000+08:00

“If you think back and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears either of joy or sadness, consider it wasted.”

Finally taking some time to reflect upon 2010 in the final hours before we enter 2011. Not that I don't reflect much; on the contrary if the words of my friends and family members are to be believed, I might be guilty of reflecting too much. Of course I would beg to differ. ;)

Been reading through my friends' sharing of their 2010 through FB notes, blog posts and meet ups in the past week. We tend to be more introspective and maybe a little pensive when reflecting upon what we have done, what we did not do, and even things that we could have done. I was reading through S's account of her months in 2010 and B's general ruminations of his year and I started thinking about my own 2010. In a sense, 2010 is my year, as well as S's and B's. Because we all had our own versions of 2010, we all went through different and deeply personal, individualised experiences, which gives each and everyone of us ownership of sorts over 2010.

So, how is my 2010? (Can't use "was" as it is technically still 2010, haha). I think my 2010 mirrored the weather today, the last day of 2010. It started out warm and sunny, with clouds gathering before the drizzles started which progressed to a torrential downpour in the late afternoon before easing into a mellow yet glorious sunset.

I do not remember events much, I am more of a seemingly random moments-driven kinda gal. Like smses from S before I left which left me with a teary smile, hugs from friends which still leave an imprint on me, conversations on buses with W and C, conversations over meals and good wine and company at VnJ's, cab rides back with A, FB PMs with Y, LT, D, L, Skype convos with G, and walks all around the Marina area with B. I made up with important people in my life, got to know and lost the non-important ones and shed both happy and sad tears along the way.

2010 will also be the year when I completed my thesis in "record" time, managed to complete the last min amendments and submitted, got it verified this week, so that is something off my list! All of it would not have been possible without my friends and family and colleagues at NUS who have supported me all the way, especially through the tough times when I ask myself why it seemed a breeze for others to complete their graduate degree yet things kept cropping up for mine and my sneaky friend called self-doubt tried to squeeze through that crack. Felt a little emotional when I wrote my acknowledgements this week. Heh. :)

2010 will go down as the year of surprises, where I got accepted to do my post-grad in HK and I finished up my thesis and submitted while dealing with the paperwork of the new University, packed up and left without bidding many goodbyes ( yes I suck at them), cried during my flight and adjusted to my new life in HK. It was not without its challenges but my new friends in the new city really made a difference and I think I've learnt to appreciate HK in my own quirky way.

2010 will also the year of the interplay of the mind and heart and how even the combination of them cannot beat the winds of fate or the plans that He has for me. With things coming one after the other, I had to make quick yet measured decisions. "To stay or go?" came up many times in many contexts. So many things have happened that I did not anticipate and decisions made where I had to be honest to myself and ask myself some really honest yet tough questions.

I have learnt not to overthink and to deal with the situations the best I can at that point in time. He has also dealt me some curveballs that I did not see coming, from my HK acceptance to my thesis to my relationships. Honestly, I think I was more flummoxed, sometimes incredulous, than feeling that I was being tested but if there's one lesson that I have learnt, it would be that things have this way of sorting themselves out, even if the endings are not what I hoped for. From the possiblity of me having to come back to SG for good because of things in SG to chance encounters with ex-es in SG.

What will 2011 bring? I have no idea as to what my 2011 will be like, as B said, my life is a "constant state of flux". But what I do know is that no matter what happens, I will live for the many moments that it will bring, learn to appreciate them and with it the love and support from family and friends who have been steadfast all the way. But for now, thanks to everyone who have been a part of my 2010, yes this is to all of you who've been tagged in this post and to those who are not on FB, you peeps know who you are. ;) Here's to a good 2011, and may we learn to appreciate the "Good Life" (see lyrics below)! Cheers! :)

Good Life - One Republic

[Verse 1]

Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know
Address to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want

We're young enough to say

[Chorus]

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

[Verse 2]

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e

What there is to complain about

[Bridge 1]

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

[Bridge 2]
Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cuz hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

突然好想你

2010-08-07T02:06:00.015+08:00

Y is one of the most fervent 五月天 /Mayday fans that I know. She probably has been to all their concerts held in Singapore, has all their albums and know their songs at her fingertips. Stumbled onto this song while Youtube-ing tonight. Heard the Yoga Lin version, not bad, but I've always been a sucker for the original artiste's take on the songs that I listen to.

I could feel a sense of resonance when I listen to this song. Will leave it at that here. Might shed a tear or two if I belt it out at my next ktv session - haven't had one in ages, at least one and a half years I guess? But I digress from the song. Very meaningful lyrics.

五月天 - 突然好想你
作词:阿信
作曲:阿信
专辑:后青春期的诗

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下最痛的纪念品

我们那麽甜那麽美那麽相信
那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们还是要奔向
各自的幸福和遗憾中老去

突然好想你你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过
没有你却又突然听到你的消息

Thesis first submission! Lotsa packing!

2010-07-17T01:57:00.010+08:00

Yes!!! Finally am done with my thesis first submission - lots of misadventures but I managed to overcome them and submitted on the stipulated date last Tues! :)) Now on to lots of packing before I leave next month - most of my stuff settled, but how do you pack for your next phase in life, if you do not even know when you will be back?

Will try to update soon! :)

Think this song is a fitting one - the last song in the final episode of Glee S1. But besides it being one of my fav songs, the context of the song in Glee when it was performed was v apt, where everyone realised the friendships forged since the inception of New Directions and the love in the room was simply touching. I can relate to it as that is what I experience and feel in my line of work, seeing my students graduate during this year's Commencement, though I wasn't at the ceremony, their photos were just amazing, am so proud of them, am really grateful to have been a part of their lives. :) Also for myself, as I bid NUS farewell and embark on the next phase in my life, in another city and another country. Hope to update soon!

Somewhere over the rainbow - Glee

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

Why try to change me now - Perfect smoky jazz bar song

2010-06-03T23:26:00.006+08:00

Currently working on my thesis data collection - trying to code hundreds of respondents' results for SPSS is moving slower than I want, esp since I am down with the flu. Need to be extra careful while compiling the results, to make sure tt I am getting everything done right - June is going to be one crazy month, need to get everything done by then - thesis (last couple of chapters as well as going through everything once... sup is overseas and I've not heard from her since late April when I passed her my chapter before grading madness so I'm a little concerned there... and the ICA panel presentation... still a work in progress, I've so much ideas and information but I need to synthesize it and make my points coherent)... and all in the month of June. Sup is overseas having a well deserved break so am hoping to cover as much ground as possible this week.

Was working in the living room as it is really hot in my room and House MD was on, wasn't paying attention to the telly as I was working but this song came on and my ears were piqued (if that is possible) and I watched the end of the episode, about some psychopath patient but I wasn't really paying attention - I've July and August to watch tv and stuff, but I totally need to focus 1000% (not a typo) on my thesis and pre conference prep.

Had a very... eventful long weekend last week, settled most social engagements as I know that my June is gonna be work work work, except for Father's Day dinner and grandma's medical appointments and procedures.

Last week was a packed week, besides recovering from the wedding on the previous Sunday; over the course of last week, I met my peeps for Laura Calder's dinner and cooking demo; dinner which was long overdue with B; walking over to check out The Helix and MBS; Tanjong Beach Club opening (was rained in but I wasn't put down by it, actually wanted to just go dancing in the rain, haha.) which was overall alright, more piqued by dude who tried to pick me up with his sparkling. Saw q a few familiar faces from school and friends at TBC! And A's bday to end the week, think her bday is officially my final organising of bday gatherings for sometime! :) It was a lovely intimate and fun-filled brunch with the gals. :))

But anyway, yes, I like this song - q poignant lyrics and I like how the piano fits in, it actually sounds like it can be on the Glee songlist. Fiona Apple's vocals lends a sense of vunerability and a subtle sense of rawness of emotion to the song. Which fits in the theme of remorse and regret. Old Blue Eyes also covered this song and Cy Coleman co-wrote this song, which kinda explains the piano bit. Can just imagine this in a smoky jazz bar... kicking back with a red/scotch/caiprinha in hand. Ahhh.... that is the life... but for now... back to SPSS coding.

Why try to change me now - Fiona Apple cover

I'm sentimental

So I walk in the rain

I've got some habits

Even I can't explain

I go to the corner

And I end up in Spain

Why try to change me now

I sit and daydream

I've got daydreams galore

Cigarette ashes

There they go on the floor

I go away weekends

Leave my keys in the door

Why try to change me now

Why can't I be more conventional

People talk

And they stare

So I try

But that can't be

Cuz I can't see

My strange little world

Go passing me by

So let people wonder

Let 'em laugh

Let 'em frown

You know I'll love you

Till the moon's upside down

Don't you remember

I was always your clown

Why try to change me now

Don't you remember

I was always your clown

Why try to change me

Why try to change me now

Weekend of triple celebrations. :: Makan time! :: No mambo. :: Bad Romance.

2010-05-17T23:56:00.007+08:00

Can't wait for the Lady Gaga episode of Glee next week! :) Had a crazy weekend, lotsa happiness and love going around... had a 27 Dresses moment, running from event to event. But it was worth it, esp the double bday celebrations... think rainy evening indoors, with the usual great company over at the Izakaya. The staff was friendly and nice and sang the bday songs raucously. Oden and Japanese tapas coupled with beers... Aahh... on a rainy evening... double Aahhhs... :D After a sweltering afternoon at Chinatown with mum... it was a good way to round up the day!! :)

Another wedding this weekend, a colleague's one, I've been roped in as it was a last minute affair, am crossing my fingers and hoping it will go well! Again... another 27 Dresses moment, haha.

Anyways, hoping for good news this week and looking forward to working on my thesis. S is back and totally raving about Aussie land... I think she is trying to get all of us to go over as well. She seems... particularly enamored by the guys there, C and I think something's happened over there... haha. Can't wait to meet up with her! :)

Tried out Nando's today... finally! Hmm... lotsa teething problems, ventilation was down when I was down last week, but when I finally got down today... the service was impeccable! Very helpful and friendly... or was it just our table? I almost felt rude when the manager came over to say good afternoon and I could not catch what he was saying and proceeded to make my order... but glad we cleared that up, haha. Hmm... But on to the food... love the grilled chicken!! :D It was tender and succulent and juicy... and I had a great time experimenting with the different sauces... I like the Extra Hot one but it really got my tastebuds tingling! Mixed it with the garlic sauce and Hot sauce... too bad most drinks were not available... and the chicken liver too... apparently it's C's fav! The menu is different from the outlet in London, wonder how the Aussie and KL outlets are. But overall it was a a good meal with a great pal... so though my sinus was acting up today, I am a happy gal! :))

Will make this a quick one, am recovering from the weekend. Am coming up with a list of things to do, might have to cut Mambo night from it coz my friends feel that it will just be a hotbed of younger guys picking me up.... seriously?! Hmmm... But no matter the snide remarks... actually seems to be from this one guy friend and a gal pal yesterday. Anyways, I believe tt one can still appreciate a Joshua Bell concert... AND Glee! :D

Have a good week everyone.... and try not to get into a Bad Romance! ;) Esp like Kurt's voice in this song.. btw the lyrics to this song seem full of innuendoes, as with most Lady Gaga's songs; btw, a student shared this in the culture industries module this semester: an article on the "occult meaning" of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance - make what you will of the article. :)

Bad Romance - Glee cover

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it’s free

I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
I want your drama
The touch of your hand

I want you leather studded kiss in the scene
And I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you

I want a bad,your bad romance
I want your loving
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

I want your loving
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

I want your horror
I want your design
‘Cause you’re a criminal
As long as your mine
I want your love

Love-love-love
I want your love
I want your psycho
Your vertical stick

Want you in my room
When your baby is sick
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance
I want your loving
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

I want your loving
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Walk walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy

Walk walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy

Walk walk fashion baby
Work it
Move that bitch crazy

Walk walk fashion baby
Work it
Imma Freak bitch baby
I want your love
And I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends

Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revenge
Je veux ton amour
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

I want your loving
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

I want your loving
and all your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

It's been ages!

2010-05-07T01:23:00.010+08:00

It's been some time since I have updated the blog - in fact, an entire semester has passed by with me having neither the time nor the motivation to blog, haha. Guess I have become more Facebook-reliant these days. Also, blogging is over-rated at times, especially when there's so much to do offline! :) Anyways, lots have transpired since my last entry - actually too much to cover at one go so will leave it for now.

Let's put it this way - people who should know the on-goings do know, both from Facebook as well as smses and from our meetups. ;) 2010 has been an interesting and busy year for me, am counting my blessings and looking forward to more stuff ahead. Can't believe so much has happened in 4 months!! Embarking on new stuff, learning new things, meeting new people under the most interesting circumstances and all this amidst the crazy workload and thesis writing and data collection.

Tried to sync my Facebook, Twitter and Blogspot so that I can update all three platforms simultaneously. Still figuring them out but I do not have time to do so, help! :) But an interesting crazy busy (what's new?) weekend of the 14th for me: Organising J's Hen Night (due to the mistaken perception that I am the "happening" one in the TA room, haha); N&S's wedding at the lovely Botanic Gardens on Sat evening and my good pals V and S's double May birthdays on Sunday evening - over three consecutive days! It's like all of life's happy events happening over one weekend, how cool is that?! :)

Am really glad to be part of the happy stuff in my friends' lives, to partake in their happiness and even help organise for some of them. :) All this is post exam grading, was in grading purgatory for over a week and am still recovering from pulling the all nighters - final set of grading from NUS as I am leaving NUS, effective end June; for other endeavours (and nope, I am not heading off to be some lady of leisure, contrary to some of the stuff from the rumor mill... seriously where do all this come from? My atas doppelganger?)... will let everyone know in due course... feels kinda wierd to be announcing stuff to the almost 600 friends on Facebook... haha. ;)

As mentioned earlier, too much to be covered in one post, will try to see if I can settle down to write a proper post soon, but meanwhile, will let the music do the talking. Both vids are from my current google box fav - Glee! Why belabour the point when I can let the music do the talking? ;)

The following vids are from the latest episode of Glee, where Finn sings a not-so-old song - Jessie's Girl; Puck does a show tune which I love - Lady is a Tramp. Think I would totally go for a Finn than a Jesse (fellow Gleeks who follow the show will know what I mean); and I think I probably fit the criteria of a tramp according to the list in the latter song... know labels are cliched but I don't see them as necessarily a bad thing. ;) Enjoy and have a great weekend everyone - know most of you will drop a line on Facebook Notes. ;)

P.s: Do check out the actual performance of Lady is a Tramp on youtube - I can't embed the video here. Good fun stuff! Would go for Puck if it weren't for me not being into bad boys. haha.

Glee Cast - Jessie’s Girl

Jessie is a friend
Yeah, I know he’s been a good friend of mine
But lately something’s changed, it ain’t hard to define
Jessie’s got himself a girl and I want to make her mine
And she’s watching him with those eyes
And she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it
And he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night

You know, I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman like that

I play along with the charade
There doesn’t seem to be a reason to change
You know I feel so dirty when they start talking cute
I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot
‘Cause she’s watching him with those eyes
And she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it
And he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night

You know, I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman like that

Like Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman
Where can I find a woman like that

And I’m lookin’ in the mirror all the time
Wonderin’ what she don’t see in me
I’ve been funny, I’ve been cool with the lines
Ain’t that the way love’s supposed to be

Tell me, where can I find a woman like that

(guitar solo)

You know, I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I want Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman like that
Like Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I want, I want Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I want, I want Jessie’s girl

Glee Cast - Lady is a Tramp

[Noah Puckerman (Puck)]

She gets too hungry, for dinner at eight

She adores the theater, and won't arrive late
She'd never bother, with people she'd hate
That's why the lady is a tramp

Doesn't like crap games, with barons and earls
Won't go to Harlem, in ermine and pearls
Won't dish the dirt, with the rest of those girls
That's why the lady is a tramp

She loves the free, fresh wind in her hair
Life without care she's broke, it's ok
She hates California, it's cold and it's damp
That's why the lady is a tramp whooaaa oooh

instrument break

[Mercedes Jones]
Ooooooooh
I get far too hungry for dinner at eight
I adore the theatre but never come late.
[Noah Puckerman]
You'd never bother with anyone that you hate
[Mercedes Jones and Noah Puckerman]
That's why the lady is a tramp.

[Mercedes Jones]
I like the free fresh wind in my hair
Life without care
Hate California, too cold and too damp

That's why the lady
That's why the lady
That's why the lady
That is why the lady is a tramp

Conversations in 2009

2009-12-31T03:35:00.020+08:00

In one of the most memorable conversations I've had this year, Y told me that I am a beautiful girl with lotsa personality and strength, sometimes even more strength than I know. It was one of those rare serious-sincere moments in our friendship that took me by surprise, yet also oddly touched. That comment meant a lot to me because Y is one of the most beautiful persons I know, in an effortlessly pretty-Blake Lively sort of way, with her sunshine disposition and strength in character yet always sincere to everyone. And she has known me for 15 years. ;)

S has also encouraged me more than once in this year to draw upon my strength and resilience in handling some problems and disappointments which cropped up along the way. For myself, I usually do not stop to ponder or evaluate if I have the strength or resilience, but rather, I just try my best to gather myself together and move on, in resolving the problems or coping with the problems and disappointments whilst trying to be there for those who need me.

A feels that my ability to detach emotionally from the situation when a decision needs to be made (after all the initial raving and ranting of course, haha) is something that she could use more of, maybe in reference to her family business or life in general I am not sure; but I assured her that the decisiveness she has witnessed, from my career switch to pursue my Masters to dumping ex-es which I feel are not suitable for me is not without any emotional context, but maybe a reflection of my personality where I am constantly trying to make sense of things around me, even though some situations may not be explained by logic. One thing I have learnt in 2009 though, is to stop the rationalising sometimes and to just accept the situation and try to work around it or find an adequate resolution.

Because the worst thing one can say to me is "MnM, you can't do it." That alone is a gauntlet for me to try my best to achieve it, especially if I think I can do it. Someone once told me that Arts students should not try out subjects such as Technopreneurship, because it is not my cuppa. I tried out and did well in that minor, because I feel that I can. Same thing for the ex who told me that I was too weak and upset by the results of the applications earlier this year to end the relationship: I ended the relationship when the final result of the applications came in and decided to give up my place in a rather prestigious comms school due to lack of funding. (Btw E is still going on at me about it, haha.) Perhaps I was having second thoughts when I did them, whether I could pull them off. But I did pull them off and I am a better person for those decisions.

About the conversations I've had with both my gal and guy pals,J, M, V, C, S and so on, be it about the break up(s) or the guys in my life (or lack of) in general, I think this piece just about sums it up. "Anyone can easily walk away from someone else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. The real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away could be so much easier." When it comes to romantic relationships, or even friendships, I think that we always have a choice. I am not above walking away from a diamond ring or promises of ever after if I doubt the veracity of the fluffy but ultimately pointless promises. Despite saying that, I think that 2010 may be an interesting year, though I shall keep mum for now.

B once told me that he seldom posts his personal thoughts except on professional matters on his blog and our blogging styles differ q a bit. Honestly though, I wonder how much about a person can one truly know from their online persona? Given all the impression management, self censorship to some extent that goes on? Anyways, I have the sneaky impression that the music that I post here draw more readers, who wants to read my ruminations to begin with? haha. :)

All in all, for me, 2009 has been a year of memorable conversations with the friends and people in my life. Whatever comes in 2010, I can only say this for myself: In the end, the show must go on.

Music mashup: Top 25 of 2009 by DJ Earworm

(No Jonas Brothers, yea!) ;)

The Black Eyed Peas - BOOM BOOM POW
Lady Gaga - POKER FACE
Lady Gaga Featuring Colby ODonis - JUST DANCE
The Black Eyed Peas - I GOTTA FEELING
Taylor Swift - LOVE STORY
Flo Rida - RIGHT ROUND
Jason Mraz - IM YOURS
Beyonce - SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT)
Kanye West - HEARTLESS
The All-American Rejects - GIVES YOU HELL
Taylor Swift - YOU BELONG WITH ME
T.I. Featuring Justin Timberlake - DEAD AND GONE
The Fray - YOU FOUND ME
Kings Of Leon - USE SOMEBODY
Keri Hilson Featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo - KNOCK YOU DOWN
Jamie Foxx Featuring T-Pain - BLAME IT
Pitbull - I KNOW YOU WANT ME (CALLE OCHO)
T.I. Featuring Rihanna - LIVE YOUR LIFE
Soulja Boy Tell em Featuring Sammie - KISS ME THRU THE PHONE
Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne - DOWN
Miley Cyrus - THE CLIMB
Drake - BEST I EVER HAD
Kelly Clarkson - MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU
Beyonce - HALO
Katy Perry - HOT N COLD

Lean on me :: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

2009-12-14T00:15:00.005+08:00

J told me this when he heard about what happened today... to lean on my friends. Honestly too caught up with lotsa stuff lately to really settle down and deal with it.

Am glad that school has come to a close, after the hectic grading for both modules. Maybe I was being overly ambitious to tackle two new modules in one semester, but I guess I wanted to expand my repertoire of modules, or maybe I already had the feeling of what was to come. Been preoccupied with stuff at home but wanted to make sure that I am done with my teaching duties before dealing with what to do next at home.

Breaking down the war I have to deal with into battles might be easier to handle, but it is also draining. Do not really want to talk about it here though close friends know what happened. I guess in their own way they can't really do much as well, except to support me and be there for me. Me being the mule-headed one though, will not want to impose them.

But no matter what, I am really grateful for the opportunities to help teach culture industries and intercultural comm. I was working with a great bunch of colleagues this sem and I got to learn a lot in the process. M mentioned recently that something he wants out of his job is to be able to learn and I share his sentiments. To pick up new knowledge, new skills and to apply them. It was honestly trying to learn and lead at the same time but my lecturers and fellow tutors supported each other through the process and for this I am grateful for. My students were also a blast this sem and I enjoyed seeing the familiar faces while getting acquainted with the new ones.

Post exams were pre wedding prep for LT n K. Have not shared much with LT coz she was already bogged and stressed with her wedding. Was helping out with the wedding almost immediately after I was done with grading so I had v little time to catch up on much needed rest. Am glad that LT's wedding went well, lovely wedding, lovely bride and the sweet couple. Someone in particular made an interesting impression which led to Y teasing me for most of the evening. Realised how small Spore is when I saw someone I did not want to bump into en route to the dinner. C was right to say that Spore is so small, it is inevitable that I see him around at some point.

J asked if the encounter made me feel that I should feel something when I do not have any feelings towards him left. I think it was a case of forgotten memories which should remain forgotten. Honestly I can't remember much, just that there's the jolt of generally negative vibes. Not too sure why I felt the way I did.

Last week was particularly difficult for me as it was bad news after bad news after bad news. I wonder if it was my incompetence or just my luck, or lack of it. But realising that neither thinking will resolve anything, I decided to just focus on dealing with it and finding solutions. Am hoping that the news will not affect my dad's health badly and that he will take it in stride. Am still adjusting to my new role in the family. I don't know how I am going to deal with it, just a day at a time for now I guess. Feeling drained though. Dealing with thesis during the semester was tough as I was meeting with a lot of roadblocks, with one unfeasible idea after another. Am looking forward to my sup returning and us sorting it out.

Not feeling particularly Christmasy this year. Which is sending off warning bells for friends like J, who knows what a Christmas freak I am. From the Christmas lights to setting up the tree to present shopping and Christmas dinner. I've not really checked out Christmas lights though I have watched A Christmas Carol. It's awfully trying to get to cheer everyone up when I'm not feeling particularly cheery myself. I have to do it though as I need to be strong for my family, especially now. Will not be online much, more important offline stuff to deal with for now. To everyone reading, here's an advanced Merry Christmas.

One reason why I was piqued by that particular brother, besides the "interrogation" and his proactiveness during LT's wedding, was that he liked Glee, which I like as well! A song from the show which I feel is q apt for me now, pure serendipity that J mentioned it today.

Lean on me - originally by Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

We all have sorrow

But if we are wise

We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

'Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride

If I have things you need to borrow

For no one can fill those of your needs

That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

'Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear

That you can't carry

I'm right up the road

I'll share your load

If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand

We all need somebody to lean on

I just might have a problem that you'd understand

We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

Till I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

Lean on me..

Post bday, pre wedding!

2009-11-15T03:25:00.005+08:00

Have't met you yet - Michael Buble

I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it.
I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmm...

I might have to wait.
I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing,
And the other half's luck.
Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
And now I can see every possibility.

Mmmm...

But somehow I know that it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair.
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and,
We'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And being in your life is gonna change me.
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmm.

And someday I know it'll all turn out.
And I'll work to work it out.
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get,
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Ohhh!

You know it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet.
Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.

(I said love, love, love, love...)
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet.

Birthday 2009 - Awesome, Love, Introspective

2009-11-07T01:36:00.009+08:00

Been too busy to blog these days, too busy to even keep track of my life, suffice to say that there's a lot going on. :)

Students noticed me the days leading up to my birthday this year, as some wished me in class on my birthday eve when they saw me dressed up for my birthday celebrations. I felt a little awkward but I guess it's time for a change and am making the best of my super hectic schedule this sem.

This entry really does not do justice to those who planned and celebrated my birthday this year, but suffice to say that it was a series of celebrations which stretched for a couple of weeks, from two weeks before the date to two weeks after, am grateful and thankful for all who took time out of their busy schedules. Just the meet ups were more than enough, but to meet up with loved ones were using my birthday was the icing on the cake, no pun intended! :)

Also, I realised that while I'm really grateful to all the well wishes online, most of my closest friends are more active offline, which led to me taking a hiatus from my online haunts, esp FB. Perhaps I'm starting to suffer FB fatigue, esp since I have been keeping track of FB for my thesis. Heh.

Think my love for food, one of the consistent loves of my life, among others, is evident in my friends' choices for my birthday. In my bday week alone, I had the good fortune of trying out eight different cuisines in seven days, from the eclectic (middle eastern) to the perennial favs (dim sum, Jap). But good food does feel lacking somewhat if enjoyed without good company and I do feel blessed with both for my birthday.

Honestly, I am not a fan of my birthdays, though I love organising and celebrating birthdays of close friends and family. Think the weeks preceding my birthday were a whirlwind of events which left me feeling lost and bleak. It was also a period of introspection, which did not do me much good, honestly. Will not go much into it here, just a note to remind myself of that bittersweet period. Bitter because of what was happening then and sweet because through the bleakness, the tiny but steady glow of friendship shone through.

As I blew out the many candles for my birthday this year at the different venues, with different groups of friends, the candles represented more than just my age, they represented the love and general awesomeness of my friends and their silent promise to be there for me when all's dark. A promise which they made good recently. And I am grateful and humbled.

This year, I also promised myself to not repeat the trend of birthdays for the last two years, to spend it with beaus who ended up being boyfriends and were all wrong for me. The temptation was there, but in the end, I decided to spend a very stormy Halloween with friends. Although it was cold and rainy outside, I felt warm and loved by peeps who I know will be there for me long after the heat and passion of a love affair has cooled. Ok, good food, company and wine did help some! ;) Also bought for myself a new baby this year to replace my long suffering PC of seven years - a spanking new MacBook! Was a little offended when a friend thought that someone had got it for me - I like and value my independence, even if it means scrimping for the rest of the month! Received lovely gifts from friends as well, got another robin blue pouch again this year... had a Breakfast at Tiffany's moment - special gifts from special friends. :)

As I heard the storm raging on my birthday, I took it as a sign that all the unhappy and bad stuff that has happened in the last year will be washed away, and as I stepped out of the car on my way back, I took a deep breath of the cool, fresh after rain air and hoped for a new beginning.

Which brings me to my song, took me a long time to select this song but I think that this is my fav song for a reason. It sums up how life is constantly changing, how we should embrace the change and what life has in store for us. Nice clip from one of my fav movies too, really like Meg Ryan's character in the movie as well. :)

Dreams - The Cranberries

Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...

She's got you high - 500 days of summer OST

2009-10-16T04:52:00.005+08:00

She's got you high - Mumm-Ra

(500 Days of Summer closing credits)

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
The sun's in the sky, its warming up your bare legs
You can't deny your looking for the sunset

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
It's the search for the time before it leaves without you
Have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
The sun's in the sky, it makes for happy endings
You can't deny you want a happy ending

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high
She's got you high
She's got you high

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high!

On and On

2009-10-15T01:07:00.000+08:00

On and On - Stephen Bishop (1977)

Down in Jamaica
They got lots of pretty women
Steal your money
Then they break your heart
Lonesome Sue, she's in love with ol' Sam
Take him from the fire into the frying pan

On and on
She just keeps on trying
And she smiles when she feels like crying
On and on, on and on, on and on

Poor ol' Jimmy
Sits alone in the moonlight
Saw his woman kiss another man
So he takes a ladder
Steals the stars from the sky
Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry

On and on
He just keeps on trying
And he smiles when he feels like crying
On and on, on and on, on and on

When the first time is the last time
It can make you feel so bad
But if you know it, show it
Hold on tight
Don't let her say goodnight

Got the sun on my shoulders
And my toes in the sand
My woman's left me for the some other man
Aw, but I don't care
I'll just dream and stay tan
Toss up my heart to see where it lands

On and on
I just keep on trying
And I smile when I feel like dying
On and on, on and on, on and on

On and on, on and on, on and on
On and on, on and on, on and on

Lie to me :: Of crepes and champagne :: Girly weekend @ Pump Room ::

2009-09-07T00:28:00.007+08:00

It has been an eventful weekend, essentially a girly weekend but peppered with lotsa amusing anecdotes and spontaneity! One thing I realised since linking my FB to my blog, More people read from my Notes on FB and more respond via FB as well. For instance, I did not expect the responses for my last post, with support and affirmation from friends. Was and still am at a loss for words and I can only come up with a humble "thank you". :)

My Fri started on a positive note, with back to back NM2201 tutorials from 4-6pm. Am glad I managed to carry out the activity with my classes and kept within the time limit, as well as provided them with instructions on their project. E was right, my classes do seem responsive and animated and did not need too much warming up. Love them! I overran but the tutor/lecturer after me was so nice about it, I think that being around the nasty ones make me appreciate the nice ones more! :)

The rest of my weekend was as follows:

Fri evening :: C's birthday! :: Battling peak hour traffic :: Sea salt caramel cake at Cedele, Raffles City :: Raffles Hotel mooncakes, wasn't impressed by their new offerings :: Arrived at French crepe place, which name and exact location shall remain undisclosed :: One hour wait :: A arrives! :: Talk with A :: Relationship revelations, one of my most mild mannered friends had a profound dislike for most recent ex's disposition. :: C n S arrives, finally! :: Food food food! :: Four seasons crepe ala us! :: French apple cider, French apple cider with blackcurrant liquor :: Gal talk over dinner :: Debate over Blackberry and iPhone, no question about winner, ha :: Snaps in time :: Desserts, love salted caramel butter! :: Pressies, very lovely pressies :: Cake and fun! :: Walk over to collect A's car from the scary carpark :: Drove over to get C's bday tipple :: Moet for the gals :: Beyond the sea, Rainbow connection, Goodbye :: Laughs over bubbly, love all around :: Time passes faster with great company and Moet :: Can't believe it's past 2! :: Reached home at 3, reverted to emails, turned in at 6 ::

Sat evening :: Dinner before heading to Pump Room :: Brief conversation with B who's home on a Sat, nice catching up with him! :: Found Pump Room, nearly walked into cute-ish guy while trying to get A, turns out cute-ish guy was one of the "bouncers" :: Joined A and the hen night entourage! :: Familiar faces, new faces :: Catching up and tidbits :: Interesting pressies for the bride... and groom :: The reason why there wasn't a male stripper for A :: Hilarious company :: Red devil's horns with a black veil ::

Live music -ZuQ & Jive talkin' :: Dancing Queen A :: "One of the easiest dedications for a bride to be!" :: First to get dragged by A, successfully, to the dance floor :: Fantastic music :: Mr Attention grabber with shades on the podium for Don't stop till you get enough, unimpressed though he did get a lot of attention from the floor. :: Great finish of first set :: Nice music mix during the break, more dancing :: Hydrate, chat, S came! ::

Set 2 from Jive talkin' :: More dancing! :: Guy who kept bumping into all of us, left, right and behind him. :: Kinda cute guy in black w glasses who kept moving nearer to us, A claimed he kept looking at us, ha. :: More singing back/together with Jive talkin :: Lotsa familiar songs! :: I'm yours, Beautiful girl/Stand by me ::

Break after second set :: Sudden grab of my hand by Mr Podium in shades, matched him move for move, made my break when he tried to get too close, he dropped his shades, not that cool after all. :: Persistent second try by Mr Podium who thinks he's God's gift to women :: Broke away and literally palmed a trio of his female groupies to him. :: Approving nods from peeps around my friends and me who were all watching Mr Podium n me, seriously?! :: Just dance ::

Picked up by a trio of guys :: Cheesy pick up lines, friends think they were lying about their age, way too young to be 29, ha. :: I know a Canadian accent when I hear one :: Got extricated by friends from the dance floor :: A n T said that there was a fellow female dancer who was stalking me?? who looked a lil like Maria Sharapova??, seriously?! :: Felt a guy from the trio was kinda ok, but T said I could do better, ha. ::

Back at the table with A and the rest! :: A n I had to hold hands to the ladies, got waylaid before n after by trio. :: Strictly girls affair ::

Set 3 begins :: It's raining men, I gotta feeling, Viva La Vida, It's my life, Living on a prayer :: Could not resist the allure of the dance floor :: One last dance with the gals :: Ended up beside the trio, seriously?! :: Kept avoiding Mr Alright from trio :: I wana dance with somebody, We will rock you, Forever young :: Beat it, ironic Mr Canadian tried to dance with me for this song, told him to beat it, politely of course. ha. :: Jive talkin really drew the mood out from the crowd ::

Hungry gals :: Spize :: Navigation at 3am :: Kay Poh Road, kid you not! :: Teh Halia :: More bride stories :: Raving about Jive Talkin with A on our way back :: Till the 19th babes! ::

Sun :: Reached home at 5am, had breakfast made by Dad, eggs and toast on a rainy morning :: Woke up to MacDonald's lunch by Dad too! :: Emails, checking forums, planning for tutorials next week :: Hanging up my dancing shoes :: Back to work mode, glad for the girly weekend! ::

It has been an eventful weekend, think I will go back to Pump Room at some point in time, for the music! It's different from club culture because of the live music, and there's no cover charge. Am impressed by the live band Jive Talkin', they have great rapport with the audience and they are also quite good! Nice mix of classics and current pop music. Overall generally nice atmosphere as well, persistent guys aside.

Frankly, there is a tiny element of an ego boost but am really just there for the music and to have a good time with my gals. Like what J says, I should give the guys kudos for trying in the first place. :) Turning down guys is also an art too, ask ten gals and you may have ten different ways of doing it. :) Too bad I din get to see the guy in black w glasses again during the third set, though he and his wing man did pass by our table a couple of times according to A during the break. Oh well, maybe too many gals, haha.

I've not danced in ages, seldom club, maybe once or twice max a year. Had great fun with the gals nonetheless, I think that it's really the company that counts when it comes to having a good time. Happy hen night to A! :)

YY has been recommending me this series, Lie to me; it so happened that this week, B and a couple of other friends also recommended it, finally got around to checking it, and I love it!! The main protagonist played by Tim Roth, reminds me of Gregory House in the medical series House. In Lie to me, Tim Roth plays a specialist in reading body language. The series revolves around situations in which he uses his skills to tell if people are lying to solve cases. Interesting stuff. I watched a documentary on micro expressions earlier this year and I think that this series touches a lot on that too. It's interesting to see footage from the Whitegate incident, the O.J Simpson case, etc. used as examples of certain emotions. Good stuff!

I managed to find footage of Jive Talkin' on Youtube, and included one of my fav songs of last night: Viva La Vida. This song really got the crowd going wild, me included. ;)

Viva La Vida - Coldplay

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice

Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain

Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in

Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

© UNIVERSAL MUSIC - MGB SONGS

我怀念的

2009-09-03T02:10:00.004+08:00

If memory serves me right, a year ago today, I decided to leave him once and for all. No more chances, no more turning back. Ironic that one of my best friend's birthday falls on the same day, which is probably why I remember the day.

Not going to dwell on it today, or get emo about it. Remembered how I managed to get over it with the help and support of dear friends and family then. Have not talked about what happened with most and I don't intend to. Realised that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, that I had to leave toxic relationships and that in the end, no matter how much people around you help you, you have to want to help yourself. Let this be a reminder to myself.

That relationship left an indelible imprint upon me. Have forgotten a lot of stuff since then. But sometimes, some memories come back. I no longer fight them but allow the moment to come and go.

Some parts of this song sums up what I feel. Enuff said, don't want my cousin to tell me, with all the love in her heart, to "go emo one corner", ha.

"我怀念的是无话不说我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手最暖的胸口
（谁记得）谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌最美的烟火最长的相拥"

我怀念的 - 孙燕姿
我问为什么那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手最暖的胸口
（谁记得）谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌最美的烟火最长的相拥
　
谁爱得太自由谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重谁忘了要给你温柔
　
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手最暖的胸口
我放手我让座假洒脱谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了所以我没有哭没有说

New sem :: H1N1 :: Hello September! ::

2009-09-03T00:27:00.004+08:00

Can't believe how quickly August zipped past. Was busy adjusting to the new semester, am doing not one but two new modules, which in turn brings about two new sets of readings, lectures, etc., but am totally loving and relishing the experience so far! Hopefully my enthusiasm will rub off on the students. ha. Am working with great colleagues as well, for which I am grateful for. On and forward! :)

Was down with H1N1 last week, on the week when my tutorials began, was really bummed out as I was looking forward to the classes and meeting the students. Realised that quite a few of them are ex students from NM2219. Did not tell most people as I did not want them to freak out or get too worried, which I know they will, from the press reports thus far. Informed the school, colleagues and students in my class. Had to see the doc twice as the meds from the first time weren't working well. But I was kinda glad to have a very matter of fact and kinda blase doc who informed me that "9 out of 10 patients are down with H1N1 these days", which made me wonder about the dip in H1N1 cases that is reported in the papers these days. I think that most of us are opting out of the swabs because it is a tad costly and we would rather take our meds and recover.

H1N1 is like your worst flu experience, multiplied by at least 10 because of the temperature spikes, and I kept procastinating going to the doc's coz I hate going to the doc's and I was too weak to even get out of bed, much less go the doc's. Felt really faint from the fever and flu, could not feel my extremities at some point as well. Another friend came down with too,felt bad as I might have passed it to her when I just came down with it. :( But my colleagues came through, helped me take over my classes and my HoD was nothing but supportive and encouraging, which I appreciated. Hopefully the worst is over and I'm just left with a cough and an occassional sneeze.

Met up with L for her church's anniversary on Sunday, heard a good message and was introduced to her friends. A really nice bunch or guys and gals, too bad I could not join them for lunch, nvm will meet her again at A's wedding later this month! Met C n S for brunch at our little enclave to discuss C's bday plans and to do our girly chat, felt good to be out after being sick and stuck at home most of the week! :)

Had my first tutorials for NM3224. Was looking forward to it though the day got off to a bad start when I had an encounter with this German language tutor/lecturer whose class was before mine and when I opened the door to remind her, flipped at me before I could get a word out. Think my students waiting outside the classroom were shocked. Honestly I was as well but I know I had to remain calm and composed. When the class ended and I went in to set up, she had the gall to ask me in a superior tone "Is this way you treat your colleagues?" That was when it was time for me to step up and tell her off. "Is this the way you treat your colleagues?" I replied, giving her the don't mess with me look. She backed off, made some reason about not erasing the whiteboard and I plainly ignored her as I was setting up and the rest of my students streamed in. It happened that one of the department's student was in her tutorial and we struck up a conversation as I prepared my slides. When she came in again to erase the board which she thought I might be using, I ignored her and was prepared to tell her off firmly if she disrupted my class with anymore of her antics. Was glad it did not have to come to that because I did not want to have to put her down in front of my class. Sigh. I hope this doesn't happen again next week.

Most colleagues and friends are shocked at what happened, one commented that I seem to meet such rude colleagues more frequently than others. Some remembered the incident from last sem as well. I see it as a bummer, definitely, but also a need to learn to assert myself. I am not a pushover and do not take kindly when people take my general niceness for granted. Maybe it's a way to train myself to handle such people in such situations. No point shouting or lowering myself to their level but to try to raise above it and show them in no uncertain terms that I am not a pushover. Grrrr. haha. But despite that, I enjoyed my two hours of back to back tutorials immensely, students were shy but promising! :) I overran but the Chinese language tutor/lecturer was so nice about it, I went up to her to thank her for being understanding before I left. See what happens when people are nice to each other?? haha.

September looks packed and I do hope to get some stuff done. Just arranged for a farewell meal with E before he leaves, will miss him! Nice guy and colleague. Had to re-schedule from last week, as well as meeting with B after work for drinks as I was down with H1N1.

And today's C's birthday!! Can't believe another year's passed, she wants to par-tay this weekend, we shall see how that goes. ;) Happy birthday babe, love ya lots!

In a tone befitting for the par-tay this weekend, my fav song from B.E.P so far. Love the song, less so the mtv because I believe in happening fun, not debaunchery. Getting wasted - not fun at all. ;)

I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x3)
Tonight’s the night night
Let’s spend it up
Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Let’s get get OFF
I know that we’ll have a ball
If we get down
And go out
And just loose it all
I feel stressed out
I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
And loosing all control
Fill up my cup
Mozoltov
Look at her dancing
Just take it off
Lets paint the town
We’ll shut it down
Let’s burn the roof
And then we’ll do it again

Lets Do it (x3)
And live it up
I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x2)
Tonight’s the night
Let’s live it up
I got my money
Lets spend it up

Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Lets get get OFF
Fill up my cup (Drink)
Mozolotov (Lahyme)
Look at her dancing (Move it Move it)
Just take it off
Lets paint the town
We’ll shut it down
Lets burn the roof
And then we’ll do it again
Lets do it (x3)
Let’s live it up
Here we come
Here we go
We gotta rock
Easy come
Easy go
Now we on top
Feel the shot
Body rock
Rock it don’t stop
Round and round
Up and down
Around the clock
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday,
Saturday and Sunday
Get get get get get
With us you know what we say
Party everyday p-p-p-party
Party everyday
I gotta feeling that tonight gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night(x2)

Two weekends. :: Food fest :: Just dance

2009-08-16T18:50:00.007+08:00

It's been a flurry of activities for the last two weekends, did not have a chance to make a note about last weekend, the long National Day weekend, and this weekend is upon us! I shall endeavour to make a quick note of both weekends, which do not do justice to the weekends, but that's the best I can do for now, and there are pictures on FB as well! :) Already C has dropped a line to ask about this picture of me and a delish steak sandwich. haha.

Long National Day weekend

FRI :: Brought grandmother out to Ion Orchard, tried Canton-i and Gusttimo. :: Heard about the terrible service at Gusttimo, but had a very pleasant experience with prompt and attentive wait staff. :: More than three hours of driving. :: Free fruits and refreshing coconut juice. ::

SAT :: Dropped by Tampines to pay long overdue visit to C&F and baby Lauralynn. :: Missed Fish n Co. :: Bought strawberry and cream puffs, reserved 7 more. :: Saw F's new wheels since we last met. :: Afternoon with CnF and baby Lauralynn. :: At a loss for baby talk. :: Catching up with CnF. :: Mummy's looks, Daddy's girl. :: One hour of baby interaction is draining enough, how does C do it everyday? :: Tour of house - my first pink kitchen! :: Dinner time - Missed out on meal at Changi :: Travelling from East to West, good thing I reserved the puffs, sold out when I got there. :: Lone figure under the street lamp. :: Drive over to Da Paolo. :: Picking out our dinner, National Day cupcakes. :: Dinner with the gals, Yummilicious food, lovely drinks! :: Nachos!! :: Cranium with J and the gals after dinner. :: Pulled off an imitation I thought I could never pull off, sign of C's faith in me, ha. :: Midnight sweets! :: Sleepover after a long day, but not before Facebooking at C's sleepover and doing our nails. :: Thanks C!!

SUN :: Sun's out and so are we! :: Service at Shoots.' :: Introduced Shoots to dim sum brunch at VK. :: Hits and misses. :: Leaving the lovelies to their shopping. :: VnJ's. :: Flowers, airconditioning and domestication. :: Liberation! :: Driving Miss and Mr Foodies. :: Food trail at Joo Chiat. :: The Beer Room: Beer is wonderful! :: Of Hobgoblins, Circusmaster and Wytchcraft:: Second round of dim sum for the day - fluffy char siew buns! :: Otahs. :: Delightful moist Hokkien Mee and my first encounter with Tau Kwa Pao. :: Sunset drive. :: Delightful magaritas on a hot National Day. :: Of good dwarfs and Saboteurs. :: Otah, drinks and conversation. :: Plans. :: Quick Citadels session. :: Cooking a cook out! :: Sacrifices for good food. :: afc. :: Chatting till we sleep. :: How sleepovers are rarely about sleep. :: The light pitter patter of rain.

MON :: Sleeping in on a rainy morning. :: Sleepy faces, happy people. :: Homemade breakfast - eggs and toast. :: More afc. :: Heavy lids. :: Postponing lunch appts. :: Singing in the rain. :: Love my friends. :: Room cleaning at home. :: Tired but fulfilled. :: End of a long weekend, a new semester begins.

And after a week of the onset of the flu, another weekend beckons. Was really happy to see familiar faces in school this week, even if it's just one lecture on Tues!

FRI :: Last min cancellations. :: Dinner with familar faces. :: New makan hangout. :: Dessert hunt, ended up at The Pump Room. :: Good live act, less than adequate sound system. :: Tower challenge. :: Reminiscing of drinking holes and hang outs. :: Talking everything under the sun under the moonlight.

SAT :: Wardrobe decisions, emergency calls. :: Dinner at Liang Court. :: Bellini Grande. :: Cooler babes than dudes. :: Gold 90.5. :: Soul Kool. :: Broiler brought to Bellini. :: Black label. :: Birthday boy turns 30! :: Wierd turn of events. :: Mambo Night at Bellini. :: Music picks up at midnight. :: Lady Gaga's selection done live! :: Just dance!:: Picking up someone requires a lot of timing, trying your luck when someone else is out cold is not one of them. :: Emergency calls. :: Eventful evening. :: Home at 5, in bed at 8.

Was planning a quiet non-eventful weekend, but surprises kept coming up. No matter, I am gonna hang my dancing shoes and settle down to my work and studies with the advent of the new semester!

Missed the Lady Gaga concert this week, A and J enjoyed it lots, picked a song tonight which reminded me of the good music mix last night! :)

Just dance - Lady Gaga

I've had a little bit too much, much
All of the people start to rush, start to rush by
How does he twist the dance? Can't find a drink, oh man
Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth, oh oh oh-oh
How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside outright
Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say
And we're all getting hosed tonight, oh oh oh-oh

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just

When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalog
Can't believe my eyes, so many women without a flaw
And I ain't gon' give it up, steady tryin' to pick it up like a car
I'ma hit it, I'ma hit it and flex and do it until tomorr' yeah

Shawty I can see that you got so much energy
The way you're twirlin' up them hips 'round and 'round
And now there's no reason at all why you can't leave here with me
In the meantime stay and let me watch you break it down

And dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

Woo! Let's go!

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint electronic

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint electronic

Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle
I got it, just stay close enough to get it
Don't slow! Drive it, clean it, lights out, bleed it
Spend the lasto
(I got it)
In your pocko
(I got it)
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

End of hectic holidays :: Circumstances. :: An august August.

2009-08-08T03:20:00.002+08:00

Probably my last post before the semester begins, a very busy long weekend ahead, going over to F's place for housewarming, meeting baby L for the very first time! Yea! Then going over to C for a sleepover girly gal thing, love her place - five levels and a pool, who needs Bali or Bintan when you have it at your doorstep? Am envious! Meeting A for dinner before that as well. Sun is a day with the fab five, food trail around Singapore and maybe games and wines? Playing by ear but am sure that I will get good and meaningful encounters this weekend! Can't go wrong with friends like this!

Am grateful for the support from friends after the previous post. Some pretty unexpected and interesting feedback as well... you know who you are! ;) Also, I need to clear up this Ion incident, I've been getting messages from friends, different friends who have 'seen' me at Ion with this tall guy at different stores (LV, Sephora, Taste Paradise???). First up, it wasn't me. ha. And second, please don't feel bad about coming up to say hi! :)

About my previous post, I don't see myself as savvy in that kind of politics, and contrary to what some believe, I think that being nice doesn't put you at an advantage, in fact it may play against you when you get thrown a curveball. :( But I think that being wary and on guard all the time is tiring as well. I guess you can't please everyone and the people who are really worth proving yourself to at the end of the day, do not need proving. Just that I don't see the point in being antagonistic or being whiny all the time and I believe picking my battles.

Think I'm picking up precious lessons along the way in the past year, who to trust, who not to trust, getting rid of the hypocritical ones (yes, giving others the impression that they are wronged and wana talk while sending nuisance nasty smses and making nuisance calls), getting others to clear up their mess because they think they have some money, yes, I've learnt to purge such people from my life and I'm taking no nonsense from them.

Some friends feel that I'm making a very clear and clean cut from such people: no calls, no smses, no contact. Kinda heartless? Maybe. But after last year, I do not see the point in keeping in touch with some of them. Not that it was easy to cut them out of my life like that. But it was something that had to be done. So that I can move on and away from the toxic relationships. You may call it a spring cleaning of sorts. ha. Even moving on is taking time, am consciously keeping away from relationships and potential ones now because I'm still recovering from the toll of the ones in the last year. Some days it seems like there's some light coming in and other days are just plain bad. But for me, I've learnt in the past year to compartmentalise, to work, juggle family stuff, go out with friends and hang out, socialise, work on my thesis even if things are less than good at the other end. I honestly duno how I do it but I just do it.

Was having my lesson today and as he brought me to many of the haunts in the east, I was reminded of the relationship which ended almost a year back. Felt a pang which I did not feel for some time. I did not expect that. I realise that sometimes when something hurts really bad, my survival mechanism comes up and even though I can't remember much anymore, or maybe even how he looks like, I just know that something is bad and as part of the famous adage goes: never again, no matter what. He gave me some interesting advice, like how terrible guys can be, esp once they think they have gotten the girl, etc.. and about fate and destiny. Maybe it's true in the sense that with each relationship, I know what I want and my own limits and boundaries, to stop trying to believe in the best of others and believing that my choice was right, which is something which T felt I should have drawn up, so that I "wun let the scum in". But it's one thing to hear T say it but another thing to him say that.

Was talking to someone recently. We talked for sometime and we talked about some stuff. I just think that after the flops in the past year, I miss singlehood. Relationships in the past year seem to double my problems and adding on unneccessary drama and problems which I should have not deal with if the guy was the right one for me, which was the advice he meted out tonight, which was what my other much more experienced friends said. He understood my stand and did not push me, just hoped that with my planned next career step put on hold for now, which makes sense to try it out, but given my circumstances, I dun wana end up being an emotional burden to him. I wun mind him being with me as a friend, together with my other friends who are trying to help me help myself in that area which I do admit that I seem to flounder so. Their infinite patience is amazing. You know who you are. Thanks. *hugs*

Since we are on the line of circumstances, I read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers for the past week, which seems a little like Alain de Botton in the sense that it states the obvious; and back them up with stats, like how success is affected not really by tradtional notions of success singularly but a mixture of other factors like family background which are out of our control, etc.. It provided me a reality check about success and how much we are limited. But part of me rebels against some of his postulations as it makes success seem more circumstantial than anything and if we lose that motivation to succeed because of the family we are born in, the month that we are born in, our ancestors' lifestyle, then what else do we have left? Like the book puts forth: hard work. Maybe talent doesn't count as much and there's a limit to how far talent can get you. I read with interest the case of the guy with the highest IQ in the world, who instead of becoming the next Socrates or tv writer (we definitely need more intelligent tv shows!), decided to work on the farm. And this might be the smartest guy around, making the smartest decision ever.

So a round up, had a hectic hols working on my thesis... things are crazy but hopefully everything works out... am grateful for an understanding sup... I ended up bringing down my IRB form to their office on a sweltering afternoon before my lesson. Tutoring my cuz also ended up in tennis lesson two. Coach J seems v optimistic, learnt to hit the ball in the first lesson, backhand the second. Now he is talking abt getting tennis shoes and rackets and all this coming from a guy who asked us to come in our track shoes and lends us rackets, I feel a slight surge of optimism. :)

Another semester begins, am glad to receive students I've taught dropping me a line to tell me that they are taking the modules I'm helping out this sem... yea! Can't wait for next week to come! Had a couple of meetings and I'm looking forward to this sem! :) Also managed to get a copy of the latest book out on the Goh Chok Tong administration, saw a couple of familiar names... and I think it's interesting how this book covers the different aspects of the issues he tackled as PM for 14 years. And the contributors to the book do offer contrary and interesting observations on issues such as the gay community during the administation and how he is portrayed in the media. Such apt timing, just before National Day and the day when it was announced that the government is on the lookout for PM Lee's successor. ;) Thanks to G for dropping me a line this morning about it... it was pure serendipity that I managed to see it in the lib today! :)

Song tonight reminds me of the talk we had. A song that I can relate it to on so many levels but like wat WY will expect, I shall just leave it at this. Poignant lyrics which are raw and lovely, though I dun really get it as well. I like Wang Lee Hom's ballads! :)

Happy National Day and enjoy your long weekend peeps! :)

王力宏 - 腳本

你愛得好有趣就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂無所謂

你愛得好有趣就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好

你愛得好有趣就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂無所謂

你愛得好有趣就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好

你愛得好有趣就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂無所謂

你愛得好有趣就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好

Let it be. Let it be.

2009-07-31T23:47:00.010+08:00

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Just about sums up the last two weeks. Crazy stuff at work and thesis. So much on my mind, so much I could grouse about. But I think the Beatles' song which best describes me (according to the Facebook quiz I took this afternoon) kinda sums up my sentiments now. Let it be.

First up, annual review. I know that a lot of friends and even family were wondering if I would end up ranting about the last semester, from emails with caps and exclamation marks from a colleague, threatening emails, to thinly veiled 'advice'. But the review went without a mention about this, mainly from my part. I do not see the point in revisiting some issues, especially since I just want to move on and look forward to my teaching assignments next semester and I'm grateful that my request to be taken off the module went through. :) Anyway, no loss on my side, though I was a little traumatised during the episode and I've turned out stronger and more savvy for it. Am working with two v interesting modules: intercultural comm and culture industries, which have garnered very good ratings, yea! Am looking forward to familiar faces in the LTs come next month.

Homecoming, which I had enjoyed in the past years was also peppered with some behind the scenes stuff. The questions and insinuations made me uncomfortable, even though they weren't targeted at me directly. Some of those who were there could see some of the stuff behind the scenes. My stand on workplace politics in general is to listen if it comes along and not comment on it, esp if you were not directly involved. I do not see the point in adding fuel to fire if it's based on hearsay, esp if it affects another person. I think that rumors and hearsay can take on a life of its own and mutate to a v ugly state, even if it wasn't initated with ill intentions. But I do agree with some observations made at Homecoming that a lot has changed since 2005 and it does make me nostalgic. But change is inevitable I guess and we deal with it in our own ways. So, no more questions abt some stuff during Homecoming, coz my answer will be the same: No comment.

IRB was also driving me nuts, and the irony was that I was applying for an exemption! It irks me when others do not do what they are supposed to do or know what they are supposed to know, that they are more interested in shifting responsibility to others that would come back to them in the end. In the end, the IRB department was much more helpful and precise in what I lacked and what I needed to give them. I spent more all nighters getting the information out ASAP as I felt that I had wasted/lost weeks in the whole silly ding dong mess. Better to roll up my sleeves and sort it out myself.

But on a lighter note, I was glad to see T for her bday... she is looking lovely, with the nice haircut and all! Although she is also a mummy to be, she drove us to satisfy our pork cutlet craving!! haha. Also checked out Ion with her but the poor ventilation put us off as the smell of stale food was lingering. I think that my fav food places at Ion are Provence... love the wassants and curry donut and Watami, a casual Jap dining place. Food is not bad at Watami, prices are reasonable and the service was impeccable... queue was long but I managed to get a seat for my mum and myself just before the crowd came in. Was also glad to meet some of my ICM batch at Homecoming, but the turnout wasn't as good as last year, some did not know about it?! But I left soon after and did not get to linger as I was hitching a ride from T. :)

About my thesis, am glad for the support that my sup has given me. Even though she can be exacting and doesn't mince her words, I appreciate her workstyle and I think she knows tt I'm feeling a lil low these days as well. Ha.

And Mel's wedding on the same week as Homecoming, seemed like a mini Homecoming as there were familiar faces from school who did not manage to make it for the actual Homecoming. Met S, G, A, N, possible familiar face like J who had just came back from Copahagen that very day and still made it for the dinner! Spent the night catching up with S and N, S is as sweet as always, taking food for me, his photos for tt evening were lovely; and N was sharing some of hers as well, and that babe was a brilliant conversationalist - we chatted a lot that night, she is working at Warner Music and totally loving it! The wedding was very Mel, Bollywood flavour, sweet, simple and heartfelt. It was cool to see her hubby, her "Swedish Meatball" do the Singaporean Yum Seng. He even did a gig with the best man, which was not half bad as well! Will totally miss her when she goes over... more incentive to pay Sweden a visit! :)

With National Day around the corner, I happen to make an observation. 8 Days did a write up on how familiar Singaporeans are with our pledge and they went out to do a poll. Most of us, according to the poll, know the pledge, though there were a few who did not make the cut. I tried it myself... and after nine years of not reciting the pledge, I still managed to get it right! :) But I had a feeling that it would not be the last I would hear of the pledge issue. Therefore it did not come as a surprise to me today that this year's National Day celebration will have a section dedicated to reciting the pledge and that all radio stations' progammes will be affected as well. I do not know how well the public will respond to it or how many of us will actually recite the pledge in our homes but I do think that it is very interesting that the government is focusing on the pledge.

As a part of nation building, the pledge does play a very important role in terms of a nation's identity. And a lot of people do identify themselves as part of a nation when they espouse the qualities in their national pledge. Like democracy and freedom for US citizens. The pledge, if recited in mindless repetition, will remain what it is: just a paragraph of lofty words. Only if we understand and believe in the values present can we begin associating ourselves to the country. I think that it is interesting that the government is taking this step in nation building, not too in your face but at the same time, the focus on the pledge may make some of us take a second, better look at our pledge, which most of us have recited in school, during the mornings, when we are still half asleep or preoccupied with other stuff.

The weekend is finally here! After a hectic, crazy week, which I have tried to get more work done and cancelled on some dates (sorry peeps!), I keep to the bunch which drop a line from time to time and let me sort out my thoughts, and family which keep me grounded. This included my first tennis lesson with cuz JK, where the coach managed to teach me a lot, from the way to hit the ball to learning to some steps in getting the ball, all in the first lesson, yea! My ball was all over the place, but am glad tt with my hand-eye coordination I managed to get the ball over the net, though I kinda pity the nice guys who were playing at the court next to us. I think they were pretty nice about it, considering how often I interrupted their game. Some of my hits even went over the tall fence which separated the courts, yikes! Too much acceleration in the wrong direction, ha. But he felt that I had potential and was eager to teach me more... my right arm is kinda aching so we shall see. Quote of the evening from the tennis session, between JK and me: "Funny don't cure ugly." ;) But the session did help to relieve some tension.

A song which I really like and upon checking Wiki, realised that this was one of the Beatles' last song and that there was a lot of tension during the production of this song. How apt. ha. Was talking abt the Beatles with N during Mel's dinner as well and it reminded me of this movie Across the Universe, plot was kinda blah but the entire soundtrack of the movie consisted of Beatles songs... even some of the lines in the movie! An interesting concept. The video is a clip from the movie, Let it be was used as the background for the war and street violence aftermath scenes, where the world seems to have gone crazy and nothing makes sense anymore, and the only thing left is hope.

To a better August, with new beginnings and familar faces! :)

Let it be - The Beatles

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

Weekends. :: Thesis :: Half-Blood Prince

2009-07-19T23:18:00.007+08:00

I've often wondered: are books/films a reflection of what we are or what we might be? Sounds rhetorical, as we are the ones creating books and films. But can books/film reflect the worldview of a select few to the masses and thus influence them?

The last week has been brain crunching time, with me doing up the references for the sup, which is good idea on her part, given the number of revisions; also submitting applications and exemptions. Been working on my methodology as well and I like this part of research as it is original work and I get my hands dirty with thinking up methods and ways of improving sampling. I dun mind hard work, in fact, I relish it, knowing that it is put to good use and it's a good test of my mental dexerity.

Friends do not know the details of my research but they have played a huge role in keeping me sane. Ok, actually keeping me addicted... haha. My fab five introduced me to Citadels, a strategic card game... shan't go into the details, but it was addicitive enough to keep us up playing all night! Unfortunately we can only indulge in this during the weekends, where we play till the next morning. The planning, strategising and to some extent, second-guessing each other's game and strategy. Somehow I believe that first time beginner's luck is at play as well, which explains how I managed to edge in a couple of wins. Playing against friendly opponents in a wonderful atmosphere of comaderie and hospitality (ok, the homecooked food and vintages helped as well). :) But as my schedule gets busier, we shall have to play by ear. But good times peeps, good times. Helps as well tt I work on my thesis at night, which helps me stay up during the games. J got a new game last week - Saboteur, looking forward to another session to try it out!

Got my bridesmaid dress last Sun... after an all night Citadel session... and it was great meeting the babes for the fitting session, received positive feedback for the dresses, looking forward to the wedding in Dec and other occassions to wear the other dress I bought... hard not to when everyone was gushing over it... Helped in my already wavering mind... haha. As mum wld say, I'm young only once.... might as well make the best of it. ;)

C and I got the tics for Half-Blood Prince last Sunday for today. I had managed to read the book before the movie and was thus duly disappointed when I saw that q a few of the most significant scenes have been cut out.

**SPOILER ALERT**

Even characters like the Minister of Magic were not included, scenes like the school battle scene weren't included, as well as the sloppy job on Dumbledore's death... what happened to the funeral?! I was looking forward to that actually... Also, existing characters were quite bleah, especially Ginny, I thought she was more spirited and sassy in the book and previous installments? Even new characters were more subdued, I felt they could have further played on Greyback?

But then again, it was two and a half hours and they probably decided to focus more on the BGR aspect: Lavender Brown was a hoot! :) I also felt that besides the choppiy flow of he movie and the fact that we have been waiting longer than expected for this installment, the audience expected more from the movie. On a more positive note, I felt that this installment was definitely more dark, with this sense of heaviness. And while watching the movie, I felt that the sense of bleakness does reflect to some extent the heaviness inside me, because of the crazy events recently... and in the light of the Jakarta bombings on Fri. I was surprised when he told me on Fri when we met for another lesson that after a period of relative peace, it has happened again. Kinda makes me understand y more friends are not in favour of having kids. At times like this, craziness set in and nothing really makes sense anymore. To quote Arthur Weasley in the movie. "Times like these, dark times, they do funny things to people. They can tear them apart. "

And it is in these crazy times that we need inspiration to go on. Although it sounds incredulous to derive hope from children literature (again that point is debatable), I feel that it is during these times that we need hope. Children literature like Harry Potter depicts the world as not always bright and cheery, that dark times do come, but at the same time, it conveys the message that we all need hope and it is the hope that good will ultimately prevail, even though that may not always happen, that keeps us going. Along the way, we learn that what is right or wrong may not always be clear, that circumstances might force us down certain routes and we might be stuck in situations where we do things against our wishes (ahem... Snape), but in the end, it helps to have our own moral compass and accept the bad stuff while cherishing the good stuff... like dropping by to check out 1 Caramel after the movie! Highly recommend the place for cakes and tarts... hope they come out with macaroons at some point! Pics up on FB soon!

Very tempted to go on a trip with a friend at the end of the year. He's been v accomodating and he knows the country well enough... but still, there are other stuff, including finances and other stuff to consider. He's been a good friend through the recent tough times and it's rare that we find travelmates with whom we can relate on so many levels. Am sorely tempted, but we shall see how it goes. Hmmm.

Am in a greedy mood... will thus post a song which came up in a dicsussion during last Sat/Sun Citadels session... thanks S for remembering the singer... din realise that it was such a popular ktv song, re the response from ex students and ktv regulars when I posted this link on FB. Enjoy. :) Also crazy busy week ahead, more crazy busy than usual, with lessons, appointments, a wedding (can't wait to meet S n G! ) and lotsa stuff to take care of, with Homecoming next Sat.... do come down if you can make it! :)

古巨基情歌王 (劲歌金曲2) 歌词

（Forever love 王力宏）
爱你不是因为你的美而已
我越来越爱你
每个眼神触动我的心

（两个人的烟火 黎明）
最爱你的是我
否则你怎麽让我
否则我怎麽可能赴汤蹈火
你说什麽都做

（如果．爱 张学友）
如果这就是爱
在转身就该勇敢留下来
就算受伤就算流泪
都是生命里温柔灌溉

（童话 光良）
我要变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手
变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里

（很爱很爱你 刘若英）
往更多幸福的地方飞去
很爱很爱你只有让你拥有爱情
我才安心

（我愿意 王菲）
我愿意为你我愿意为你
我愿意为你忘记我姓名
只要你真心拿爱与我回应
我什麽都愿意 为你

（好想好想 古巨基）
好想好想 好想好想
好想好想和你在一起

（明天我要嫁给你了 周华健）
明天我要嫁给你啦
明天我要嫁给你啦
要不是你问我
要不是你劝我
要不是适当的时候你让我心动

（不得不爱 潘玮柏/弦子）
天天都需要你爱
我的心思由你猜
i love you
我就是要你让我每天都精彩

（阴天 莫文蔚）
开始总是分分钟
都妙不可言
谁都以为热情它永不会减
总之那几年
感性赢了理性那一面

（飞机场的10:30 陶喆）
baby baby baby baby
O baby baby O baby
是不是拥有以后就会开始要失去
我给你的越多
你却越想要躲
爱已无法回答所有的问题

（那么爱你为什么 黄品源/莫文蔚）
离开你是傻是对是错
是看破是软弱
这结果是爱是恨或者是什么

（你怎么舍得我难过 黄品源）
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这麽多
你却没有感动过

（爱我别走 张震岳）
爱我别走
如果你说你不爱我
不要听见你真的说出口
再给我一点温柔

（让我欢喜让我忧 周华健）
就请你给我多一点点时间
再多一点点问候
不要一切都带走
就请你给我多一点点空间
再多一点点温柔
不要让我如此难受

（原来你什么都不想要 张惠妹）
原来你什么都不想要
我不要你的承诺
不要你的永远
只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好,贪心也好
最怕你把沉默,当做对我的回答
原来你什么都不想要

（用心良苦 张宇）
你说你想要逃
偏偏注定要落脚
情灭了爱熄了
剩下空心要不要

（祝福 张学友）
伤离别离别虽然在眼前
说再见再见不会太遥远
若有缘有缘就能期待明天
你和我重逢在灿烂的季节

（吻别 张学友）
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等着迎接伤悲

（把悲伤留给自己 陈升）
能不能让我陪着你走
既然你说留不住你
回去的路有些黑暗
担心让你一个人走

（征服 那英）
就这样被你征服切断了所有退路
我的心情是坚固我的决定是糊涂

（听海 张惠妹）
听海哭的声音
叹惜着谁又被伤了心

（味道 辛晓琪）
像你身上的味道
我想念你的吻
和手指淡淡烟草味道
记忆中曾被爱的味道

（我怀念的 孙燕姿）
我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口

（领悟 辛晓琪）
我多麽痛的领悟
你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁
爱的束缚任意追逐
别再为爱受苦

（月亮惹的祸 张宇）
都是你的错在你的眼中
总是藏着让人又爱又怜的朦胧
都是你的错你的痴情梦
像一个魔咒
被你爱过还能为谁蠢动

（我们的爱 FIR）
我们的爱
过了就不再回来
直到现在
我还默默的等待
我们的爱
我明白
已变成你的负担
只是永远
我都放不开
最后的温暖

（你把我灌醉 黄大炜）
你把我灌醉你让我流泪
扛下了所有罪我拚命挽回
你把我灌醉你让我心碎
爱得收不回

（眼泪 范晓萱）
oh 眼泪
眼泪都是我的体会
成长的滋味
oh 眼泪
忍住眼泪不让你看见
我在改变
孤单的感觉
你从不曾发现
我笑中还有泪

（情非得已 庾澄庆）
只怕我自己会爱上你
不敢让自己靠的太近
怕我没什么能够给你
爱你也需要很大的勇气

（你是如此难以忘记 梁朝伟）
你是如此的难以忘记
浮浮沉沉的在我心里
改变自己需要多少勇气
翻腾的心情该如何平息

（心太软 任贤齐）
你总是心太软心太软
把所有问题都自己扛
相爱总是简单相处太难
不是你的就别再勉强

(Forever love 王力宏）
forever love forever love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后
你会是所有
幸福的理由
forever love
forever love
forever love

Smile :: I'll be there

2009-07-09T15:45:00.008+08:00

Watched the MJ memorial serivce, was especially touched by Brooke Shield's eulogy, not so impressed by some of the performances of MJ's hits. I think it finally hit me during the service, seeing the casket and all, that the King of Pop is really not with us anymore, though his music will. Saw how affected some of his close friends in the business were, sombre faces on the stage at the finale act of We are the world-Heal the world. Some of the eulogies described Michael Jackson in terms of his music, most of them, as a person and how outside the his life as an entertainer, he tried to lead a normal life, in spite of his prodigious talent. More than once, his child molestation allegations were put down and refuted, drawing applause from the crowd and a standing ovation from daughter Paris.

Gave a talk to freshies yesterday, they seemed a more subdued bunch but I think the enthusiasm from their seniors will rub off them. :) Saw a lot of student camps going on when I was in school, not letting the rainy weather put a dampner on their activities. Also reminded me of the good old times when I was an undergrad.

Met A in school yesterday, we chatted for a long time. Dun remember actually talking to her one on one. I know tt she was there to play the role of the mediator, but I think that enough is enough for me. I hate it when my tolerance is taken advantage of. We agreed to keep the conversation between us, because I do not owe anyone an explanation. I think A was resigned as she left and I had already told her to not invite me to anymore gatherings if it puts her in a spot. It wasn't easy to say that but I dun want to put her in a spot. She's a great pal and I know that without meeting all the time.

Met B after that - serendipity!! We had a good talk, updating each other on our progress in our writing... I think he has a lot of good ideas coming up, talking to B is always a pleasure! Broached on the touchy subject as well. Shall not elaborate out of respect to his wishes. He could see that I was feeling really down about it, affected as well. Meeting him helped take my mind off things some.

Decided to hang out in HV for drinks with J who came down after work. We talked about everything and anything. About toxic relationships and friendships. About the MJ memorial, which he did not watch because he wasn't ready. It helped to talk things over with him and his advice and perspectives comforted me some. We also did a lot of fun stuff like people watching and counting up the number of what ifs at Wala Wala. Received smses from friends thoughout the day which comforted me a lot as well. Friends and family often tease me for giving others the benefit of doubt, though I think I've learnt in the past year to give up on others who are not worth it, L thinks that we should learn how to protect ourselves better, which I agree, though I seem to be lacking in this. Read this quote a couple of days back which made a lot of sense to me, not just in romantic relationships, but also in how I deal with other relationships as well.

"Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn't happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less..."

Still feeling pretty mixed after yesterday's sessions, but many friends dropped me a line which helped take my mind off things - working on my thesis helped too! T put it perfectly when she said that I now know who my true friends are. My weekend is packed with Citadels sessions, thanks to S!! Also going bridesmaid dress shopping on Sunday with my 2 BFF, yea! Hope to squeeze in a swim if possible. Also hope to do the photoshoot with B before school begins. :)

Was wondering which of the two MJ songs in my title to put up today - decided on Smile, because it's a song I can relate to these days and it was MJ's fav song. J said that this song reflects me to some extent! I did not realise till the memorial service tt it was originally featured in Modern Times, Charlie Chaplin's last silent film. Imagine, a tune written by Charlie Chaplin! My favourite takes on this song are by Nat King Cole and Harry Connick Jr.

Michael Jackson (1958-2009) - Ben

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Black or white :: Rock my world

2009-07-07T19:55:00.007+08:00

Since my last entry, within a span of two weeks, so much has happened. The passing of Michael Jackson on the 26th of June, as well as Roger Federer's epic match and ensuing triumph at Wimbledon which cemented him as the greatest tennis player of all time last weekend. On a personal front, lotsa stuff happening as well, am moving along for my thesis, coping with the bad news about my mum and some worrying stuff abt myself. Some close friends had to make some tough decisions and we made time to talk through some stuff.

Really busy on the social front as well, met up with some friends I've not met up in years like L and other friends like L, T, Y, S. doing new stuff with old friends, getting involved with a BFF's wedding prep for later this year. Am so excited!! All the meeting up with friends and celebrations over good food and drinks have taken its toll on me... I definitely have a visible bump now, argh. Will try to be more restrained when partaking the merriment.

After all the stuff these two weeks, it really struck me how life has its turns. No one expected the King of Pop to leave us in such a sudden manner. I've never been a fan of MJ but his music has accompanied me through my life. As a young gal, I loved songs by the Jackson Five and his works in the 80s... to some songs in the early 90s. From the slow songs such as Ben, You are not alone, Heal the world, The girl is mine, Man in the mirror, I'll be there, Childhood, to his fast number such as Bad, Thriller, Smooth Criminal, Black or white, Billie Jean and Blood on the dance floor. No matter the botched cosmetic surgeries, or child molestation allegations, where the victims have since come out to say that they were put up to it by their parents - with his passing, he was one of the greatest if not the greatest music artiste around. He revolutionised how music videos were made in his time, made mini movies and epitomised smooth moves on the dance floor. An artise in every sense and aspect of the word, he created a craft out of his music and was involved in his music. Music was his life and he deserves respect for that.

We have lost a music great this year and his loss will be felt for many years to come. I think that his music is one of the few to really cross countries and boundaries - from Japan to Russia to the States, he has fans everywhere. And he was one of the music greats who was socially conscious and espoused this in his music - Heal the world and The earth song for environmental conservation, Black or White and Man in the mirror for social issues.

Recently, I've a mix of friends who are going through highs and others, lows. Some work-related, others, personal issues. I've also met up with friends who are getting hitched, others meeting a new significant other, and other good news. Am also dealing with some news on my end. Am glad that my friends also practiced discretion when we met up. Not all showy but in their own subtle way, I understand and appreciate them taking time out for me and they know that I will do the same for them. I've got some interesting words from L the last weekend when we met up: "It's not about right or wrong, but rather, whether it is wise..." and my mum "Good people, bad people, we all live under the same sun." I think that things have changed a lot since the breakup last year, that maybe I have changed a lot, when it comes to handling relationships and other things in life. But the constant that remains are friends who are always there for me, looking out for me in their own way. Thanks peeps, you know who you are. :)

Will be talking to the freshmen tomorrow, meeting up with A and B later in the day, as well as working on my thesis - moving on to my methodology, yea! Counting the little victories to keep me going. Also, tennis lounging with the fab five over the weekend has got me intrigued with tennis... again, but am already working on my picking up something new... ha. But my thesis will remain my priority for this holiday! Can't believe that June was over so soon!

My perennial fav from MJ, also because I've a pet hammie of my own. :) MJ's first song when he broke away from the Jackson Five to go solo.

Michael Jackson (1958-2009) - Ben

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)

Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)

I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben

Crazy busy but happy! :: Retrospective long one today.

2009-06-18T00:35:00.015+08:00

It's been crazy busy since I last updated here. Mainly catching up with my thesis writing and redrafting my draft.... was back in school on Mon n Tues after going through tonnes of literature on Youth and New Media. Had a discussion with the sup, the way forward seems clearer but lotsa work ahead! I'm glad that the final-ish topic we have agreed to focus on is something I can look foward to everyday. Been falling asleep on the commute to and fro from sch but at least I have a clearer goal in mind which keeps me going!

No time to post my 1k number of pics on FB, some of them will have to be uploaded at my friends' discretion, in line with the what happens in HK stays in HK promise. And I know that some of your curiosity is piqued by what happened, no worries, updates as and when we meet. :) Had a great time at the office when I was back on Mon and Tues, with most of us going back to clear some stuff or work on our theses, the mood was considerably lighter than during the semester and there was bantering and chatting and catching up.

Too bad the tummy's acting up these days which means tt I have to watch my diet... coz the rest of my week is taken up by my latest endeavour as well as ktv-ing with the Fab Five later today, A's bday on Fri, dress-hunt on Sat afternoon followed by a movie marathon at V&M on Sat afternoon-night and a Father's Day BBQ on Sunday. And more reading up and thesis work in between, wana keep the rhythmn going once I've started writing again!

*Retrospective post*

And enough is enough is enough peepz. I think I've had it up to here, esp after the comment on my latest note. As well as SMS and calls. This part of the post is retrospective, because I've drafted this post since last Tues but still in two minds about posting it. But after the comment on my note as well as the SMS and calls, and friends I met up over the weekend and those who dropped a line, who were concerned about what happened, I think it's time to set the record straight, from my perspective and I hope that this will be the last word on this from me. Most friends following this blog were unaware of what was going on as most posts did not focus on this and they were more interested in my trip and thesis stuff, but that comment has since left no doubt though most had suspected.

I know that for most of you, I've not elaborated or mentioned much abt something that has been on my mind in the last month. Partly because I was initially shocked, disturbed and furious and I needed time to process the info. But now, I've talked to enough ppl to know that I need to do this for myself. This incident has led me to ponder about friendship and what it entails. It has also led me to ask myself where my limits are and to some extent, after talking to friends and family, some of whom shared their experience as well, I think that the initial anger has given way to disappointment.

The greatest disappointment during the recent breakup wasn't just the breakup (it was bad but what came after was worse), but that I had lost a friend. For me, esp after the breakup last year, I've come to feel that guys who ain't worth it come and go but that friendship remains. I also know that well meaning friends can be meddlesome at times, but I think that these friends also understand me well enough to know my limits. And friends who know me know that I detest ppl who are up to stuff behind my back. Therefore, people who meddle in my affairs behind my back should not be surprised if others know about it too.

I had continuously allowed the insensitive remarks pass, not allowed myself to go along with silly ideas like boycotting a friend until she breaks up w a guy, but I've my limits too. And for me, a good friend doesn't impose her will on others. We do have differences in opinions and can quarrel till the cows come home but we do not impose our wills on each other out of respect to the friendship. I do ask friends for help and advice when I need it, from work to my research to guys, which is why I do not accept others meddling in my affairs behind my back.

When I learnt that a male friend was confronted in a public setting where he was told to "lay off me" because I was supposedly seeing someone, my initial reaction was that of outrage and embarassment. Because I did not know anything about that and certainly did not ask for any help in telling him to back off. In fact, I had mentioned that there was nothing going on between me and him. And this coming from someone who, towards the end of the relationship, after all the meddling and misunderstandings, stated that no sides will be taken. My reply was that it din matter anymore coz it's too late. And things had remained a little awkward but fine after the breakup if this incident did not come to my knowledge. With this incident, I do not see how a friendship can continue if a friend who takes the "neutral" moral high ground and does an unwarranted confrontation behind my back; that incident was against my wishes and was to her other friend's who was the then bf's advantage and doesn't serve me in any way.

Maybe our rationales, values and logic systems are on two opposing latitudes and after previous incidences between us, I think that never the twain shall meet. I know that some expect a catfight or a confrontation between us, but seriously, after my previous experiences, I can't muster the effort to confront someone who just doesn't see my point of view and vice versa. I've been feeling pretty bothered by this and talked to ppl who kinda know us both and I think that we have both changed since graduation and moved on in different directions.

Most importantly, I don't have time to waste on some stuff as there's so much out there that I wana do. Hiccups in life come along the way but friends are supposed to help us through the tough times, not exacerbate it. At least, that is my take on friendship. Which is why I think that enough is enough peepz. No more bringing to my attention such stuff, I think that we should be free to post whatever and whoever we want on our FB profiles and notes, as long as we are aware and can take on the consequences. As I mentioned to some over our meetups in the past week, I honestly feel that the previous relationship wasn't worth a friendship but the invariable response to that was how was that even a friendship to begin with?

You know I'm no good - Amy Winehouse
Meet you downstairs in the bar and hurt,
Your rolled up sleeves in your skull t-shirt,
You say “what did you do with him today?”,
And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray,
’Cause you're my fella, my guy,
Hand me your stella and fly,
By the time I'm out the door,
You tear men down like Roger Moore,

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good,

Upstairs in bed, with my ex boy,
He's in a place, but I can't get joy,
Thinking on you in the final throes,
This is when my buzzer goes,
Run out to meet you, chips and pitta,
You say “when we married”,
'cause you're not bitter,
”There'll be none of him no more,”
I cried for you on the kitchen floor,

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good,

Sweet reunion, Jamaica and Spain,
We're like how we were again,
I'm in the tub, you on the seat,
Lick your lips as I soak my feet,
Then you notice likkle carpet burn,
My stomach drops and my guts churn,
You shrug and it's the worst,
Who truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good,

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would
I told you I was trouble,
Yeah, you know that I'm no good.

Hearts Pearl of the Orient! :: Hits the ground running upon touch down.

2009-06-12T23:18:00.011+08:00

Am back from HK!! Had a brilliant time there, think we gals really did a lot, in this whirlwind trip - we covered q bit of the touristy stuff, as well as indulged in HK's gastronomically blissful food, HK really is a foodie's paradise... and we walked off most of it during our shopping stints, though tummy shots are taken with a hint of reluctance... ha. :) All in all, we covered most of Central, our hotel's at the mid-levels, Aberdeen, Ap Lei Chau (the warehouse sales outlets), Stanley Village, Repulse Bay, Mongkok area, Jordan, Temple Street, Tsim Sha Tsui, Causeway Bay, Avenue of the Stars, took the Star Ferry, Lan Kwai Fong, The Peak and The Peninsular for its legendary tea (L managed to pull some strings and we skipped the LONG queue... felt bad as L's mum treated us on top of getting us prime seats and getting us through without queuing!). In between, we had food as and when, from quaint tea houses with utensils older than myself, to the cafes, street food and restaurants (Maxim's for dim sum!). Will elaborate more on the trip to HK and my thoughts on HK in later posts when I've time - I'm now going through readings on youth, online culture, privacy for my thesis new draft and tt's all I'll say for now. ;)

Shopping, as usual, did not catch my eye much, no bags but bought more than enough shoes and I managed to buy Roasted Goose and Roasted Meat for my family, much to my parents' delight! It was hell bringing my stuff back though... my body was aching most of this week. Thank god the weather there was generally sunny in HK, mum said tt it was raining when I wasn't around and it got swelteringly hot since I got back!

Had a meeting with the sup the day after I got back... quite jet-lagged as I survived on about three hours of sleep every night, with J and S telling me where to check out... part of me wonders abt the latest Mongkok acid attack and how it happened right after we got back. Will just take it as J's lucky star shining on me as well as the prayers my grandparents n mum said every night I wasn't ard. ;)

Had a brief but productive meeting with the sup the day after I got back. Am psyched because of new developments for my thesis. It will mean a lot of hard work and lotsa amendments as well as procedures I'd have to go through from now on but I appreciate her candor and her suggestions. It may seem that I agreed too readily to her requests, but tt's because I've also thought through these questions myself before the meeting and I'm glad we are on the same page. I'm not afraid of hard work, as long as I think it is worth it. Same rule applies to other aspects of my life. ;)

Exciting stuff coming along, schedule's gonna be crazy, the sup also warned me about it... abt being strategic in my thesis... and maybe I am crazy but I'm totally lapping it up and loving it! :) Maybe I do love tutoring and teaching, as well as research... just tt I find it challenging to handle both simultaneously. Almost like having an affair or dating multiple guys at the same time. :p But I shall leave this conundrum to another day and focus on getting my thesis done first.

Basically, whatever happens in HK stays in HK, besides the food and cheesy pics we gals took. ;) Will discuss the juicy bits as and when I meet up with the rest, though it seems like all my June weekends are already booked! :) Also reached a conclusion about some other bits of my life during the trip, when I talked to S and J about it. I am better off without some people in my life. There's only so much nonsense that I can take from some ppl, even if they try to present a BFF front. Well well, on and forward!

A song from a local tv series, The Ultimatum, which I sit through with my mum on evenings when I am home. Basically I only listen out for the theme song and then go though my readings as she watches the show, so don't ask me what the plot is! :) M probably knows y I like the lyrics of the song though! Will try out this song the next time I go a-ktv-ing. ;)

《双子星》主题曲：寂寞光年-刘力杨

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

Fragility of life. :: Wanderlust. :: My Canto sucks!

2009-05-27T00:12:00.011+08:00

One thing I hate abt life: the end. Sure, I know that everything that begins will have to end at some point. But seeing it happen to those around me, esp family, gets to me. I think that the 20s and 30s are great times, where we are done with experimenting with some stuff and we move on to other stuff. We are still in the process of self-discovery, but that we have more autonomy and resources at hand. But as we start feeling comfortable in our own skin, we see our parents and grandparents getting old. My friends also remarked abt our parents' slower reactions, lower energy levels, which was a stark difference from when we were teenagers and our parents still had the energy to stay up late for us (to lecture and nag, ha). My parents for one, have problems remembering events and things to do and buy these days. Instead of them picking me up after school, I've taken to arranging my schedule so as to be able to pick up my mum from her workplace in the evenings, to carry her bags for her, just like she used to when I was starting primary school.

I'll be bringing my grandmother to the hospital later today for her heart condition checkup. Already I'm thinking of how to put some news across to her and how to avoid some topics like the breakup with her. She's been unwell since her fall at home two years back. She cooks less often these days during family gatherings and I miss her home-cooked Peranakan food that I grew up with. Aunt brought granddad to the hospital today and the results were not good. Which left me with a heavy heart though I shall have to put up a composed and my usual chirpy self when I'm with them later. And after the fiasco with Uncle last week, I totally feel that they deserve better. I'm not a patient person even on my best day but when I'm with my grandparents, I think just lending them a listening ear is what they want and need. And me being me, I usually end up buying bags of stuff over to their place despite their usual protests. :D

On to my wanderlust. Tummy's been steadily expanding these days, no thanks to good food which friends have been recommending... see I can't tell ppl tt I've not been checking out new makan places. Tsk tsk. Baby season it seems - been exchanging tips with some friends who have given birth lately, in fact, there's a first month party this Sunday. Maybe I shld consider fasting three days before the HK trip so tt I can fit into the clothes over there.... H&M!!

Although I'm been struck by wanderlust, I did not expect myself to be travelling this year... but a series of events happened which ended up with me and my gal pals checking out singaporeair.com last Friday night and booking ourselves on a flight out next week within the hour after weeks of debating if we shld even travel. Think I've developed a habit for last min travels, book tics and travel in one or two weeks. In 05, 07, and this year... hey there seems to be a trend! Timing is perfect as well, drop off my thesis draft before flying off. Better to take time out now rather than later in the year, when I might not be fit for travel... or no time to breathe, much less travel.

I love travelling... and I think that travelling suits me. It gets tiring esp all the rushing through strange hectic airports, figuring out the transportation system, the language, the places to go for food and shopping, getting lost at some point and having things lost in translation. But it's fun being in a new place, to experience new stuff, both good and bad. And to have really great travelling partners! This time we have friends in HK, we look forward to hopefully pull some strings and skip the queues at some places. J gallantly offered his swanky apartment but I don't want to cramp his style while I'm there. In fact, our schedules are so packed tt we might not be able to meet up at all! The irony. :) Can't wait to get in touch with my canto roots - been getting a crash course in Cantonese from Daddy dearest. J still laughs at my poor attempts at the language, as did E n V when I met them for lunch yesterday. Bleah. Well, at least the Hong Kongers will get a laugh when they see me fumbling with the language. Haha. Coincidentally, J, S, E and V mentioned recently on different occassions that I already have the makings of a businessman's wife, though not really the high tea kinda, but one tt's active in the biz... thank god! Think I might whither away if I was having high tea everyday. So I told J to "get me the businessman la". Friends and their teasing. Tsk tsk. But am flattered peeps! :p

I've been getting PMs abt some display pic thingy. With all feeling that it was in poor taste and some confirming what they had previously postulated. Honestly, with all the thesis draft, handling of grandparents' med appointments (which take up almost an entire afternoon each time), HK last min research, packing (two days before I leave), and social engagements, I really have neither the time nor energy to be bothered abt such stuff. Honestly at this point in time it doesn't matter anymore. Que sera sera and chill peeps! :)

A Canto song from my fav singer. Still can't sing this at ktv, but I like Cantopop, they have more meaningful lyrics than even Mandarin pop. ;)

歌曲：欢乐今宵

歌手：郑秀文&古巨基 专辑：最动听的...天作之合
作:黄伟文曲:黄丹仪

从梦里伊甸来到我枕边
梦与真之间就只差一寸
要是留着你真实地纠缠
怕没权利以后留恋
情愫与相思如最爱的书
未了那一章没翻开的勇气
故事何样美终极是分离
不敢好奇沾污结尾
犹如无人敢碰
秘密现在被揭起
明日想起
我们其实承受不了
欢乐今宵虚无飘渺
再没余地继续缠绕
谈情一世
发现愿望极渺小
留下一点
距离回味犹自心跳
欢乐今宵虚无飘渺
那样动摇不如罢了

犹如无人敢碰
秘密现在被揭起
明日想起
我们其实承受不了
欢乐今宵虚无飘渺
再没余地继续缠绕
谈情一世
发现愿望极渺小
留下一点
距离回味独自心跳
欢乐今宵虚无飘渺
那样动摇不如罢了

Wanderlust :: Angels & Demons

2009-05-18T02:12:00.006+08:00

I've seen the paranoma of Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

I've been on one of the highest peaks in Salzburg in my Birkies instead of good, hardy footwear and had a blast looking through the clouds and fogs at the city beneath us.

I've watched dawn creep over the city of Rome from our hostel window, with the ever present St Peter's Basilica in the horizon's backdrop.

And watching Angels & Demons yesterday triggered my wanderlust after going though the photos which I took in Rome and the Vatican City in 2007.

I was glad to watch Angels & Demons with my Rome/Vatican City travelmates, C and S. C and myself read the book way before our trip, though I still can't recall if it was a coincidence that we managed to make a stop at most if not all of the stops which were featured in the book/movie. After reading and watching the Da Vinci Code and actually viewing the Mona Lisa in 2005 and The Last Supper in 2007, I've come to the conclusion that Dan Brown might make for entertaining mindless fiction, because he does a very poor job in researching for his books and coming up with conspiracy theories and symbols which does not add up upon closer inspection.

Among all of Dan Brown's works, I liked Angels & Demons the most. Not just because of the conspiracy theory element and how it explores some of the best which Rome and the Vatican City has to offer in terms of architecture with religious significance, but because it also tackles the theme of religion and science, which is a topic close to my heart, me being a social scientist and a Christian too. Some friends express surprise when they find out that I'm a Christian, though a lapsed one. Maybe it's because I do not go on about my religion and I do not practice saying grace before I partake my food. Some friends have also tried to ask me to test the extent and the knowledge that I have of the Bible. I usually handle their questions with ease. But it's not the religion that I have an issue with. It's my grappling of the idea of faith, of believing in something which cannot be seen or have an easy explanation for. And as my knowledge in the sciences grew, the more problematic faith became to me. Had a couple of encounters where the pastors were unable to address my questions and their frustration added on to my sense of disillusion.

Angels & Demons draws a lot on this theme of religion and science, the tension which exists between the two and how both can be reconciled. The movie did not do this central theme justice, but rather, ended up painting an ugly, simplistic picture of a religious fanatic within the Vatican who was plotting against to capture the world's attention as well as to discredit science and the Church's old enemies. The book had a characters, one who was a priest who ended up working at CERN, as well as the Head of Cern, which were not featured in the movie. There's more background information on the characters which explained why they behaved the way they did, including Ewan McGregor's character.

More about the movie: SPOILER ALERT! I felt the movie was fast paced and action packed. But more could have been done to further flesh out the characters, especially the main ones. Vittoria Vetra, for example, was a strong female lead meant to complement Robert Langdon in the book. However, in the movie, the more petite Nigella Lawson lookalike looked meek and frightened most of the time. Wassup with that?! And the way the assassin was killed off - lotsa unanswered questions: Was he from the Vatican as well? Or was he a killer on hire? And why did he off himself like that? But overall, given the limited screen time they had, I think Ron Howard did an alright job with the movie version of the book, a quick paced movie with lotsa effects and action to compensate for the lack of good filming locations, a credible plot and cast (the cardinals did look like a bunch of scared, cigarette-smoking old men and some looked like they belonged to the Italian Mafia more than the Vatican, the Great Elector looked rather sinister as well). One thing about movies with secret societies: it's tough to pull it off without looking like a raving lunatic, looking out for clues, drawing implausible relations and conclusions. Recall the movie, Number 23?

I've recently discovered this series on the Hallmark Channel, American Dreams. I love this show because it guest stars contemporary singers such as Brandy, Lil Kim, Hilary Duff and Jason Mraz to cover the oldies of the 60s! :)

That will be the day - Jo Jo as Linda Ronstadt

Well that'll be the day
When you say goodbye
That'll be the day
When you make me cry
You say you're gonna leave me
You know it's a lie
Cause that'll be the day that I die

When Cupid shot his dart
He shot it at your heart
So if we ever part then I'll be blue
You kiss and hold me
And you tell me boldy
Well that someday that I'll be true

Well that'll be the day
When you say goodbye
That'll be the day
When you make me cry
You say you're gonna leave me
You know it's a lie
Cause that'll be the day that I die

Midnight repose

2009-05-17T01:01:00.005+08:00

Every night, at slightly past two, a neighbour pulls up in his cab in the carpark which my window overlooks. He's a middle aged man in his mid 40s, dressed simply in a pair of black pants and shirt, by now unbuttoned and exposing a white singlet. Every night, he gets out of his cab and then proceeds to check both sides of his vehicle to make sure that the cab is parked properly and well within the lot. He then locks up and heads back to his apartment, weariness apparent in his slightly slumped shoulders in his gait. He comes down again at past three to begin a new shift. Somehow under the orange glow of the street lamps, this nightly ritual seems poignant and reminds me of how for most of us, we are just trying to make our way through life in the ways we know how and for some of us, the best way we can.

Been thinking about some stuff and decisions this week. Pondering over some discussions with friends I've met up with lately. J was in town recently. We meet up thrice a year but our conversations pick up naturally from where we left off. Could not meet up earlier this year as the then boyfriend was uncomfortable with me meeting guy friends alone. We talked till the sun came up signaling the start of a new day, and I realised that some stuff cannot be changed, need to consider before making some upcoming decisions and some of the mis-steps tt I've made. J is an experienced guy who's been able to advise me on a lot of issues that I'm facing, which he knows is the most help I will accept from him.

Been thinking about advice from M too. M's a really dear friend, looks out for me as an older brother, cooks up a real storm in the kitchen, I esp love his soups and he's someone that I can relate to who doesn't judge. I refrain from using the word soulmate as it is a very laden word for me. M understands what I'm going through presently and doesn't pass judgement on some of my recent decisions and situations. And it's true that guys' perceptions, esp J and M, are v diff from my gal pals, but one thing in common with all my close friends - they offer unconditional support and love yet keep me grounded when I don't make sense or when the going gets tough. Just that me being, well, me, usually end up keeping to myself more, to try to figure things out for myself first. Everyone's dealing with their own set of problems, why add on to theirs?

Am glad for T's piece of interesting news about the aftermath of her wedding dinner. Interesting development and I'm both flattered and amused. Let's see what happens from here. An interesting diversion now and then is just what I need. :)

Am going retro tonight, one of my favs from the last century.

Return to Innocence - Enigma
.
Ami Chant
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
.
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
.
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
.
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
.
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
.
Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

Craziness is over! Hols begin with a full blown flu.

2009-05-11T23:25:00.007+08:00

Turned down an invite to spend the weekend in Bintan to spend Mothers' Day in Spore and to fulfill the outstanding social engagements which have been put on hold because of work. Most of my friends have been aghast at the stuff that has been happening at work and most of them had bigger reactions than myself. Maybe I'm just glad that it's over and done with, though not without more drama in the emails, asking to bring forward the date and time, more assumptions and accusations which needed clearing up. Came to the point where I had to suppress an inward groan when it comes to checking my emails. What's the point in letting emotions get in the way? Just focus on the task at hand, handle it professionally and move on to my hols.

And my hols began with a bang.... with me getting the full blown flu/cold which have been bugging me for part of the semester. But better now than earlier I guess. :) But being sick sucks. Big time. :s Am trying to survive on getting more rest and some medication already at hand.

Sore throat kicked in on Saturday before we caught Star Trek the movie... which by the way is really not bad! Don't need to worry if one is not a Trekkie, I am not one... JJ Abrams did a brilliant job - plot had its usual JJ Abrams' twists but none too convoluted. Great effects and I think the casting was v apt as well! I was lucky to watch it with someone familiar with it and he managed to explain some of the background to me during and after the movie. I think my favourite character was Zachary Quinto, who is brilliant as Sylar in Heroes and also a very good Spock. Live long and Prosper. :)

Also received news about some friends who had been publicly interfering with my private affairs a while back, which might have had implications for the events which happened lately. To publicly interfere with who I am seeing or not seeing without my knowledge and then play the neutral card is just plain hypocritical and a sycophant. Am mulling over the new information and feeling pretty mixed. Anyway.

Can't wait for Angels and Demons to open this week.... my friends myself visited most of the key places mentioned in Rome and the Vatican City mentioned in the book and we can't wait to point out more discrepencies! :p However, the book remains my fav among Dan Brown's books because of the discussion of the tension between religion and science/logic. And also, Ewan McGregor is in the movie.

Love this song by David Tao and Jolin Tsai, makes me happy when I hear it. Given the recent marital bliss by friends such as TMG and TK, and Mediacorp celebs Michelle Chia and Shaun Chen, I think this song is q apt! :) Friends have been asking me about my recent posts and actually, I am not against marriage in general and I am really glad that my close friends and loved ones have found their happiness. Just that I feel maybe marriage is not for everyone. :)

今天你要嫁給我

作詞：陶吉吉/娃娃　作曲：陶吉吉　女聲：蔡依林

陶喆：
春暖的花開帶走冬天的感傷　微風吹來浪漫的氣息
每一首情歌忽然充滿意義　我就在此刻突然見到你

Jolin：
春暖的花香帶走冬天的淒寒　微風吹來意外的愛情
鳥兒的高歌拉近我們距離　我就在此刻突然愛上你

合唱：
聽我說　手牽手跟我一起走　創造幸福的生活
昨天你來不及　明天就會可惜　今天嫁給我好嗎

RAP：
Jolin in the house
D.T. in the house
Jolin in the house
D.T. in the house
Jolin in the house
D.T. in the house
Our love in the house

陶喆：
夏日的熱情打動春天的懶散　陽光照耀美滿的家庭
每一首情歌都會勾起回憶　想當年我是怎麼認識你

Jolin：
冬天的憂傷接續秋天的孤單　微風吹來枯了的思念
鳥兒的高歌唱著不要別離　此刻我多麼想要擁抱你

合唱：
聽我說手牽手　跟我一起走　過著安定的生活
昨天你來不及　明天就會可惜　今天你要嫁給我
聽我說手牽手　我們一起走　把你一生交給我
昨天不要回頭　明天要到白首　今天你要嫁給我

RAP：
叮咚　聽著禮堂的鍾聲　我們在上帝和親友面前見證
這對男女現在就要結為夫妻　不要忘了這一切是多麼的神聖
你願意生死苦樂永遠和他在一起
愛惜他　尊重他　安慰他　保護著他
兩人同心建立起美滿的家庭　你願意這樣做嗎? Yes,I do

合唱：
聽我說手牽手　一路到盡頭　把你一生交給我
昨天已是過去　明天更多回憶　今天你要嫁給我
今天你要嫁給我　今天你要嫁給我

A love that will last :: Happy 1st week to TMG &TK!

2009-05-08T01:00:00.007+08:00

So many thoughts, so little time to pen/blog them down. I've been caught up in a flurry of activities in the last week. It was tough deciding on which to pen down tonight but I think I will focus on my friends instead of myself for a change tonight. :)

A week ago today, I attended a wedding, both church and the dinner, which made me feel that love is possible. This is a pretty tall order coming from someone like myself, but I do think that there are some moments in our lives which takes our breath away. I had exactly one of those moments at TMG's wedding last Fri.

It was one of the best weddings I've ever attended. It wasn't because of the lovely decorations, it wasn't the lovely gowns, it wasn't the great music accompaniment (always important in a wedding), and it wasn't the nice food or settings in the church and Rasa Sentosa. It was all of that, and more. It was the palpable love between TMG and TK, the silly grins at certain points of the celebration, the looks of tenderness that were exchanged and the look of serenity and bliss on both their faces.

Maybe it is because I know TMG and TK as a couple since they started dating, but this wedding held some significance for me. At some points that day, I felt wistful as I thought about some what could have beens for me. But in the course of the day, I realised and felt that TMG and TK really have what it takes to not only get together, but also to stay together. I never really understood from all my previous relationships when my partners mention the idea of love and its place in a relationship. But when I see TMG and TK, the looks they exchange, the nuances in their speech and actions, I think I'm beginning to understand what a healthy, loving relationship between a couple is all about. I understand that nothing is a guarantee, but it's about knowing ourselves, our partner and knowing that he/she is worth it. That can't be measured, even difficult to ascertain, but we know it when we see it and I saw it, bright and clear as the day last Friday.

Therefore, when my mum asked me last Fri night how the wedding was, my reply was simple: It was romantic (sunset by the beach no less!), the company was great (catching up with K and S), food wasn't half bad as well. But I think that as memory of the wedding fades into the other weddings I will attend, this wedding will still be one of the best I will ever attend. Because it was real, heartfelt and to me, a testament that true love does exist. Even us cynics know a real deal when we see one.

So to TMG and T, it's been a week of marital bliss for you guys, here's wishing you many more good years ahead and for keeping it real for the rest of us, that love is not a bed of roses, but knowing that the other person is worth riding out the tough times with and that letting go is no longer an option. Cheers. :)

Tonight's song is a song that TMG serenaded TK with during the dinner. Definitely one of the highlights of the evening, even though there were many many lovely songs that day, from Barry White to The Beatles. :) This song has very apt lyrics as well.

At Last - Eva Cassidy
At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last

Fate :: Destiny :: Our choices make us who we are.. ::

2009-04-17T23:18:00.011+08:00

When I was little, my grandmother used to cajole me out of my sulks by telling me that the weather will reflect my moods and turn grey and rainy as well. This always worked, not because I felt that I had any control over the weather, but rather, curiosity will get the better of me and I would wonder if it was true and how it can be so. We all know that rationally, this does not make sense, but somehow we don't always operate rationally, do we?

The same applies to the incident when an ex's dad took a particular liking to me because one of his HK business friends saw a picture we took at a family gathering and mentioned that from my features, I will bring luck to my in-laws', esp since they run their own business but that I would beget a lot of unwanted attention to myself from the opp gender which may thwart the relationship/marriage. Again, a non-rational basis but it made it easier for me to get along with the parents so I can hardly fault the logic yea? I read my horoscope everyday when I access my email but I do not think that I can place my destiny in the hands of destiny alone, can I? Maybe fate/destiny has plans in store for us, but I do believe in free will and that our choices make us who we are, not just destiny alone.

Someone wise once mentioned that our choices make us who we are and I totally agree with this. After my last post, I received a lot of feedback, from concerned friends, ex students, extended family members, even ex colleagues. One mentioned that sharing my problems halves the burden and all offered help in some form or another. It made me very touched to know that people whom I did not expect to are still keeping in touch in their own way. It was also a little disturbing to know that someone was waiting below my apartment that very night as well.

The past two weeks have been very eventful for me, both at work and with friends. There were times when I felt that history had caught up with me again and that we maybe can't escape our past. A highlight in the last two weeks came in form of the Edelman talk on Trust: The sixth sense. It was such a great and insightful talk that I shall dedicate a post to it once I'm done with my work stuff. Including it in this post does not do it enough justice. But it was great seeing Stephanie and Bob deliver an engaging talk to the class, which emphasised on the need to build/rebuild trust between organisations and their publics, especially with the on-going debacles by established institutions. I wish I could have caught up with them but I had student consults lined up for the day.

With the end of the semester in sight, a sense of wistfulness comes about. Retrospection makes its rounds again. I think a perk in my job is that I get to interact with 140 people up close every week; while this has made me crave for more private time, it is also something I look forward to every week, because I learn so much through these interactions.This semester has been a roller-coaster, lots of ups and downs. And it ended with a bang. Even now, some colleagues and close friends have expressed concern that something like this could have been handled in this manner. But then again, a close friend had a senior colleague threatened her face to face today, so such things do happen at work. Maybe this came as a shock to some colleagues because they had thought that it would have been handled differently. But I honestly wasn't too shocked/surprised when it happened or the way it was handled. Maybe a part of me had expected something like this to happen. Though getting emails with caps and exclamation marks wasn't what I expected, I know that handling it professionally on my part and not emotionally was the way to go. Another reason why the breakup was for the better: I could not have someone who was unable to comprehend the system I was working in, even with my best interests at heart, goad me to handle it in a drastic manner which would not have been beneficial to anyone. Not for me, not for the reputation of the module and definitely not for the students.

When the issue blew up and became out of control, I knew that I had to remain cool and professional under pressure and I was glad I had people whom I looked up to in the course of my short career thus far. G, whom I had worked with for a year, was brilliant in handling difficult situations in a firm yet cooperative manner. R as well, he was really patient in helping and more than that, he was genuinely interested in helping students. And I'm glad that I learnt from the best. There were times when I was wondering what all the ruckus was for and most importantly, whether the blasts I was getting via emails were worth it. If it was worth sticking to my point and my principles - that I had to be accountable to the students.

But our choices make us who we are, I feel. Even in the face of irrationality. Which was why during the meeting, I addressed only the issue and not the other stuff. Partly because the colleague handling the case, though she handled it with aplomb, was not in a position to address the other issues. The best decisions may well be the most difficult. I'm no longer seeking redress, but rather, I think some colleagues have witnessed how this was handled and see this incident as an example. There was a running joke about setting up a union and this helped to ease some of the discomfort some of them felt. Despite all of this, I think that most of my colleagues are fine, and some of them are really helpful and brilliant people whom I look up to and learn a lot from. And honestly, I would rather focus on producing good work and my research than engage in such politics. I believe in choosing my battles and choosing them wisely.

Some of my friends are more upset about this than myself and some have asked if I was going to do anything drastic. My simple answer: no. Because such stuff happen all the time. And as long as my conscience is clear, I handled this incident professionally and I help students get the most of their experience in the module, I have done my job and served my purpose.

Moving on to happier stuff: I spent my long Good Friday weekend with friends at big farewell parties and intimate gatherings and it was good to meet friends I've not met up for some time. I've also taken up swimming as well - having the private pool all to myself, just floating and looking at the sky, trying out new strokes and getting a good cardio workout. Which is just as well as friends have been indulging me in my food cravings. Maybe it's the stress at work... or my thesis which I've been working on in sporadic spurts, making me frustrated at times. I'm so totally gonna balloon soon. Argh. But I overdid the past weekend, with a baptism and celebratory lunches, and swimming when it's chilly have also resulted in my coming down with a cold. Making my last week with the students q bleah. I can't take my cold meds these days so I have to hydrate and get more rest. Meanwhile, my doc still can't figure out what's wrong with me, except that I have an extra sensitive respiratory system, a condition akin to asthma.

As of now, I shall focus on my grading of the presentations and settling of the grades for both the presentations and one page summaries for my 25 teams, handling the deluge of last minute emails from students and the final project grading which I shall begin next Monday. I'm glad I work with responsible fellow TAs, E last sem and C this sem, who are ready to help out whenever they can and how we all share the same vision, to help students get the most out of the module.

A movie which I missed because I was down with a cold and G said that it was depressing. And if he feels it's depressing, I'm gona take a raincheck... coz I think I need more positivity these days. A very poignant song indeed.

Gran Torino - Jamie Cullum
Realign all the stars above my head
Warning signs travel far
I drink instead on my own Oh! how I've known
the battle scars and worn out beds

gentle now a tender breeze blows
whispers through a Gran Torino
whistling another tired song

engines humm and bitter dreams grow
heart locked in a Gran Torino
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long

these streets are old they shine
with the things I've known
and breaks through the trees
their sparkling

your world is nothing more than all the tiny things you've left behind

So tenderly your story is
nothing more than what you see
or what you've done or will become
standing strong do you belong
in your skin; just wondering

gentle now a tender breeze blows
whispers through the Gran Torino
whistling another tired song
engines humm and bitter dreams grow
a heart locked in a Gran Torino
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long

may I be so bold and stay
I need someone to hold
that shudders my skin
their sparkling

your world is nothing more than all the tiny things you've left behind

so realign all the stars above my head
warning signs travel far
i drink instead on my own oh how ive known
the battle scars and worn out beds

gentle now a tender breeze blows
whispers through the Gran Torino
whistling another tired song
engines humm and better dreams grow
heart locked in a Gran Torino
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long
it beats a lonely rhythm all night long

Responsibilities and being true to myself

2009-04-07T00:35:00.007+08:00

I've often been asked this question: What scares you the most? While most answers range from being afraid of the unknown and supernatural to public speaking, my answer to that question is simply "I'm terrified of being a burden to my loved ones."

2009 has been a challenging ride for me thus far, with a series of unfortunate events taking place one after the other: most of my pets dying inexplicably since late last year and some of the stronger ones lasting till last month, my grandmother having another fall, my mother's condition worsening, the very real possibility of me being the sole breadwinner of my family soon, my botched PhD applications, offer without financial assistance because of the US recession. Other stuff along the way as well but these were some of the major ones. It came to a point where as one of my closer friends pointed out "You know, this might actually be good material for a tear-jerker drama if it did not occur in real life?".

A cumulation of these factors as well as other issues contributed to my decision to end my relationship as well. It is never an easy decision to end a relationship which made so much progress in such a short period, but at some point I decided that if this was what I was going to have to face for the next couple of months, even years, no point dragging someone with me as well. I know that I would have to focus my energy on taking care of my family who needs me more, plan my next step in a couple of areas as well as focus on finishing my thesis and doing a good job of it.

At some point in our lives, we have to put to practice what we have learnt about being cruel to be kind. It's not easy to be cruel to someone whom you like, but what kept me going on for "How to lose a guy in 10 days" was to make the letting go easier, esp if he was hanging on to the possibility of getting back together in the future. I never really understand why the guys in my life seem to develop a propensity for that - to want to get back after months of non communication after a breakup. I prefer a clean and definite break, no loose ends lying around. Might make the coping difficult at the beginning, but in the end, it's the best for everyone. For me, it's better to not hang on to false hopes and move on with my life.

The past few months for me have been really difficult, being a person I was not, even a person I disliked at times, but if I have to be cruel to be kind, then so be it. Honestly, I was relieved when everything ended. I was so tired of having to be someone that I wasn't comfortable with and friends knew that it just wasn't me. I'm glad that he did not know me well enough to know that as well. My relationships tend to be private and I intend to keep it that way. Suffice to say that after a heart to heart session with my aunt, she only had this to say: "I think that you are brave to not abandon your family to pursue this relationship. I might not have been able to do that."

For me, once something is over, it's over. Which is why I tend to deliberate for a while before my decision is made and try to give the benefit of doubt, etc., but once my mind's made up, it stays made up. So to you reading this, no more smses in the middle of the night and no more calls as well. I've given up on you last year after all my advice and efforts and my decision remains unchanged. It doesn't matter to me if I've been proven right or that you are wrong. No amount of apologies or pleading will change my mind. I hope my non-response is a clear response to you.

For now, I will be kept busy with work - presentations, summaries and final reports to grade till next month. I hope to finish up my draft to my sup as well. In between all of that, I need to take care of my mum, try to accompany her for her appointments as well as take care of household chores which she is unable to do because of her condition. At the same time, try to get my driving license and plan my next step and get over this persistent cough and intermittent flu symptoms I've been having since last week, partly due to my lack of rest. I refuse to let my personal decisions interfere with my work life and I still intend to give my best as much as I can to all my responsibilities.

Some friends have asked me about my family taking up so much of my time, at an age where some of them are partying or traveling and making use of the best years of our lives. To me, it really bears down to my family being my main responsibility - my mum gave up the best years of her life taking care of me and my bro and my dad has worked very hard for most of his life. Maybe my time to repay them is a little premature than most of my friends but still I shall be here for them. To me it's not even a choice, it's just something I have to do to stay true to myself. If it means being tired even on weekends after cleaning my house after spending half the day accompanying my mum for her appointments, that I can't spend as much time or money partying, or if I fall asleep in front of my PC while trying to value add to my thesis, then so be it. If my family becomes a strike out for me when it comes to dating, I might regret it at some point in time, but meanwhile for now, I shall deal with my lot. I'm blessed to have an inner sanctum of friends who understand me, who support me with their hot baths and homecooked meals, who counsel me or just make my day when things are bad with a random sms. I am especially touched when some ex students did that as well, and they did not know what was going on at my end. This time round, I've been dealing with my stuff alone most of the time, to make sense of things and partly because I really did not know how to tell them what was going on but still, I know that when I'm weary, there are people out there who really care.

In any case, the semester's almost over, I can't wait for the hols to arrive so that I can focus on my thesis and get the most done. I might take a sojourn of my own as well, to take a trip to clear my mind of stuff. But I have to spend a lot of time with my mum to help her manage her condition as well and there's the finances as well to think about so let's see about that. Lots of changes in the pipeline for me, most of which I will not share here. But suffice to say that I'm looking forward to the changes with trepidation and some of them might surprise you but I think in the end, I need these changes. Some of you might not agree with me and my upcoming plans and decisions but I think that in the end, it's my life and somehow within the myriad of responsibilities, I need to be responsible to myself, be true to myself and live with my decisions.

Hopefully in the upcoming months, if the going gets tough, I shall refer back to this post to get affirmation and draw strength from it as well. Wish me luck.

Priscilla Ahn - Dream
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

Is it ever too late?

2009-03-19T21:18:00.013+08:00

A mentor once told me that when my feelings are jumbled up, to never send emails. I think that it applies for blog posts as well as getting a new haircut. This is because in our profession, image and reputation matters a lot and something small might be misinterpreted and get out of hand.

Which is why I am not going to touch on anything in this post, but just post a song which I heard on American Idol this week. I hope Kris Allen stays around for sometime in the competition, think he's pretty good in an unassuming way. Been staying at home a lot these days outside work. Not up for my usual social stuff but then again, I don't think that anything can be "usual" anymore. Trying to catch up on my lit review and reading. Suffice to say that I'm still feeling v troubled and conflicted about my future plans.

I just feel that it's too late for so many things that have happened in the past couple of months. Has it only been a week? I feel that I've gone through decades. Friends have asked me if there's really no way to make this work and honestly, I don't know. I'm just dealing with it the best way I know how to and the best way I can.

To make you feel my love - Garth Brooks

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

I'm not strong, I just refuse to be weak.

2009-03-09T02:47:00.002+08:00

After all the tears, heartaches and disappointments over the last few weeks, it's time for me to pick myself up to face a new week. What S said is true, that no one really knows how it feels except for us. Am getting weary these days.

太聰明
作詞：陳綺貞　作曲：陳綺貞　編曲：鍾成虎

總以為謎一般難懂的我　在你了解了以後　其實也沒什麼
我總是忽冷又忽熱　隱藏我的感受
只是怕　愛你的心被你看透

猜的沒錯想得太多　不會有結果
被你看穿了以後　我更無處可躲
我開始後悔不應該太聰明的賣弄
只是怕親手將我的真心葬送

我猜著你的心　要再一次確定　遙遠的距離都是因為太過聰明
要猜著你的心　要再一次確定　混亂的思緒都是因為太想靠近你

猜的沒錯想得太多　不會有結果
被你看穿了以後　我更無處可躲
我開始後悔不應該太聰明的賣弄
只是怕親手將我的真心葬送 (只是怕親手將我的真心葬送)

我開始後悔不應該太聰明的賣弄
只是怕親手將我的真心葬送

一個人一生當中, 總有那麼一件事一個人, 讓你一生難忘

2009-03-07T01:37:00.000+08:00

Appreciate the concern from friends and family lately; a big thank you to you - you know who you are. I am still not ready to talk to most though, so please respect my need for privacy for the next few weeks, even months.

This song brings back a lot of memories to me, esp these days. I usually associate this song with my first crush - I was so shy then that I did not dare to approach him although we took the same bus to sch for two entire years! To top it off, our paths crossed again a few years back! A sad song with poignant lyrics. .. esp with the light singing at the beginning. It's in my playlist partly because it echoes my sentiments these days.

Irony is when I don't hear what I need to know from the only person I want to hear from whom I still hold dear and yet out of the blue someone else comes back.

Seriously, enough drama already. I just want to do my thesis.

歌曲：张艾嘉电影《心动》主题曲

歌手：林晓培 专辑：张艾嘉电影《心动》

dadadadadida
有多久没见你
以为你在哪里
原来就住在我心底
陪伴著我的呼吸
有多远的距离
以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长
回头就看到你
过去让它过去
来不及从头喜欢你
白云缠绕著蓝天
啊如果不能够永远走在一起
也至少给我们怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹

总是想再见你
还试著打探你消息
原来你就住在我的身体
守护我的回忆

“If a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a s---, it’s because he doesn’t give a s---.”

2009-02-23T00:20:00.013+08:00

Decided on an evening of mindless entertainment to round off my week and to encourage myself for working over the weekend and missing a friend's wedding. It's just been one of those weeks of endless bad news so why not end the week on a light note? Chick flicks are one of my guilty pleasures and I've not had time to read anything other than my own research and readings.

I first noticed "He's Just Not That Into You" in Sex and the City, where the gals were trying to figure out why seemingly decent guys behave in such odd ways after their dates, like not calling when they said they would and not following up, etc. The conclusion: He's just not that into you. Which implies that we gals have to change our mindsets when it comes to relationships and dating. To stop making excuses for the guys (to make us feel better temporarily) and just accept that there are guys who are just not that into us, no matter how fabulous, how pretty and how witty or intelligent we are. And this sets the premise for the movie, which revolved around four inter-connected relationships, ala Love Actually.

I shan't give away spoilers for this movie, just that I think there will be parts of the movie which we can all relate to, guy or gal. I was seated in between a guy and a gal and I could totally observe their reactions, as well as my own, which was pretty interesting as evinced by the reactions of the rest in the theatre, the self-admission guilty laughs and this particular guy who sniggered loudly during certain scenes and provided some comic relief. Though I did relate to some of what the characters went through,the main protagonist, Gigi, whom I felt was borderline-stalkerish, did make some pretty accurate observations. One that I esp liked was how most gals hear stories from friends and this gives them hope when they are in bad relationships that they will end up like the exceptions they hear about when really, more often than not, we should take ourselves as the rule rather than the exception, even though we might be exceptional ladies.

There are little nuggets of astute insights though the movie does end predictably, like any chick flick or the chick lit which the movie was based on. I am glad that for myself, my friends and family already know how involved I get in my relationships and are usually the ones providing words of caution so that I won't be left hurting too much when a relationship has run its course.

Helps too that the cast was made up of some eye candy: for the guys there's Scarlett Johansson though I prefer Jennifer Anniston's character - Beth. ;) Had friends telling me that I seem more like the guys in the movie somehow... go watch and drop me a line if you agree! :)

Some of my fav quotes from the movie(from imdb.com):

Gigi: A girl will never forget the first boy she ever likes.
--------------------
Gigi: We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.
----------------------
Beth: I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you are gonna marry me.
----------------------
Beth: Am I... will I be Al Pacino in this scenario?
----------------------
Gigi: How stupid is it that a girl has to wait for a guy's call anyway, right?
-----------------------
Mary: I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.
-------------------------------
Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.
-------------------------------
Mary: He MySpaced me.
Nathan: Ouch!
Mary: Oh.
Joshua: Oh girl I don't know about that... My trampy little sister says MySpace is the new booty call.
--------------------------------
Gigi: I think I've figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning then he totally changed and now they're married and crazy in love?
Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.
Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because they rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don't really care about you very much.
Janine: Ok.
Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That the exception and we're not the exception we're the rule.
----------------------------
Alex: If a guy treats you like he doesn't give a sh*t, it's because he doesn't give a sh*t.
----------------------------
Alex: An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."
-----------------------------
Alex: If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
------------------------------
Alex: Men don't forget how much they like you, so put down the phone.
------------------------------
Alex: You are good enough to be asked out.
Gigi: Maybe his grandma died or maybe he lost my number or is out of town or got hit by a cab...
Alex: Or maybe he is not interested in seeing you again.
-------------------------------
Gigi: Hey sorry to bug you again! Uh quick question.
Alex: What's going on?
Gigi: Ok I'm making out with this guy, PG stuff. but he mentions he's going out of town so he's gonna be out of touch.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: But maybe he is going out of town.
Alex: To where? New Guinea? Where's he gonna be that he's gonna be out of touch?
Gigi: Opens bathroom door - Where are you going out of town to again?
Gigi: Pittsburgh
Alex: Run.
Gigi: So what now I'm just supposed to turn from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh. Yeah!
Gigi: There's not gonna be anybody left.
Alex: If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
----------------------------
Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

My fav song from the OST

Slumdog's the Dawg! :: Paper Planes.

2009-02-17T23:53:00.015+08:00

This week has been so crazy with a packed V Day weekend (information on that privy to close friends and family only!). Suffice to say that I got a new baby - the gadget I've been lusting for since forever - in my fav colour! :) I began my week hitting the ground running for my thesis re-writes and work - I was amazed that I could make time for the movie, was q reluctant coz I wanted to work but work-life (or a farce of a life outside work, ha) balance MnM!

I mentioned to C that I might not be able to stay awake for the movie, having spent hours working on my thesis till the wee hours of Tues morning. But boy was I wrong! I entered the packed theatre with anticipation and spent the next two hours throughly entertained! C n S were as well! Slumdog Millionaire is by far one of the best movies I've watched. It has everything in it, life, love, loss, poverty, betrayal, redemption, luck, etc., which are the ingredients of an entertaining plot but add in the magic of Danny Boyle, and you have a winning formula.

*Spoilers ahead!*

Slumdog could have ended up being a melodramatic film or an angsty one, given that the backdrop for most of the film is featured in the slums. But while the stark poverty of the life as a child in the slum is present, joie de vivre is also present throughout the film and I think that this contributes a lot to how the movie has been accepted and embraced by the audience. I was touched to see kids playing on the airfield beside the slums, clothes all tattered and torn but having a ball of a time, literally. Even as the protagonist Jamal travels around India with his brother Salim, we can see the comadarie between siblings who are so different. The movie has a series of contrasts and even though it may not portray India in the best of light, we find it difficult to pass judgement on the boys as they steal, hitchhike and make their way around the best they can. Just no new shoes when visiting the Taj Mahal maybe.

For myself, the theme of hope stands out the most and I think hope is something that we can all do a little with these days. Jamal's hope of getting reunited with Latika, Salim's hope of a better life with more money, Latika's hope of getting together with Jamal for good, reminds me that hope is a precious thing to hold on to. And like the movie, sometimes we get what we hope for, sometimes we get what we hope for and then regret it and sometimes we just don't get what we hope for at all. Such is life. But we all need hope.

Besides the engaging storyline, laced with bittersweet irony as Jamal related for most of the movie how he got all the answers on the Indian version of Who wants to be a Millionaire correct. As it turns out, he got the answers (and the money) because of the lasting traumatic memories in his life and that he wasn't interested in the money to begin with but joined the show because he hopes the love of his life will watch the show and know that he is there waiting for her. The earnest Jamal, coupled with his streetkid attitude makes for a heartfelt performance as he related the tale of his life and reason as to why he joined the gameshow.

I came out of the theatre feeling... good! Not for the squalid living conditions of the kids in the slums, but glad that some stories have a happy ending. Btw, I totally enjoyed the OST for Slumdog Millionaire as well and the dance sequence at the end! :)

My fav song from the OST of Slumdog Millionaire

Paper Planes - M.I.A

[x2]
I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make 'em all day
I get one down in a second if you wait

[x2]
Sometimes I think sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I'm clocking that game
Everyone's a winner now we're making that fame
Bonafide hustler making my name

[x4]
All I wanna do is (BANG BANG BANG BANG!)
And (KKKAAAA CHING!)
And take your money

[x2]
Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bongs
Running when we hit 'em
Lethal poison through their system

[x2]
No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my Burner prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going hell just pumping that gas

[x4]
All I wanna do is (BANG BANG BANG BANG!)
And (KKKAAAA CHING!)
And take your money

M.I.A.
Third world democracy
Yeah, I got more records than the K.G.B.
So, uh, no funny business

Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go
Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go

V Day is dead! :: Kiss the Girl

2009-02-13T19:07:00.000+08:00

Have I mentioned that the level below my office which I have to pass by everyday has been V Day hell for the last two weeks and this week esp? While I applaud the entrepreneurial spirit of the students, part of me rolls my eyes and scurries along when I see the dangling red hearts and the heart-shaped arch on my way to the canteen.

While I love pressies and thoughtful gifts, I feel that V Day capitalises on the idea of romantic love and therefore me and my pals have decided to label 14 Feb "V Day is dead!" for the last couple of years. And I read with a certain amount of sagely nods articles about how Love is a chemical reaction in the brain which increases stress in men and women and also how V Day is actually a stressful time for couples. From my own experience, I have to agree with this obsrvation.

Anyway, this week has been an insanely busy week for me with team formations and thesis re-writes (again but am learning what I need to do so that's good!) and the first exam for the module. Which means Round 1 of grading and consolidation of grades. Where got time to think about V Day and what to do? But it's Fri (the 13th... do I sense some irony in this?) and time is slowly but surely running out and I'm stumped! What to do and what to get for JR? Without causing him bodily hurt (cooking for him or baking something is out of the question then) or getting him something that he needs/wants (Even I don't know what I need to get for myself given my own busy schedule!). Grrr.

So while I ponder on this, I think that V Day should be extended to not just romantic love, but also the love that exists in friendships, etc. So Happy V Day everyone! Be glad and enjoy the occassion if you are in a relationship but gather your friends and have a good time even if you are not in one. Or take the chance to ask that special person out if you have someone in mind... a Filipino colleague just shared with me how in the Philippines, there are university groups who will do live music dedications to girls at the request of guys who are interested in them but have yet to indicate their love professions... cool!

Kiss the girl - Colbie Caillat

There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don’t got a lot to say
But there’s something about her
And you don’t know why
But you’re dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl

Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It’s possible she wants you, too
There is one way to ask her
It don’t take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl

Sing with me now
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my
Look at the boy too shy
He ain’t gonna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain’t that sad
Ain’t it shame, too bad
You gonna miss the girl

Now’s your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy, you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don’t say a word
And she won’t say a word
Until you kiss the girl

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t stop now
Don’t try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Float along
Listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Music play
Do what the music say
You wanna kiss the girl

You’ve got to kiss the girl
Why don’t you kiss the girl
You gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl

It's nice to know...

2009-02-09T01:49:00.005+08:00

The meaning of "tempest" in thefreedictionary.com was stated as "1. A violent windstorm, frequently accompanied by rain, snow, or hail. 2. Furious agitation, commotion, or tumult; an uproar." Which is a pretty apt way of describing my life for 2009 thus far, and it' s only been Jan!

The past week was also filled with work stuff with the first week of tutorials, as well as embarking on thesis feedback and rewrites. Had to think through a lot of stuff and was also dealt with a disappointment on a weekend. Took some time out, gained some perspectives and I'm back with renewed faith and drive. Think the following sums up the people I have which I shld be thankful for. A list for me to refer to when life could be better.

A Nice To Know... list.

1) It's nice to know that I have someone whom I can go back and get a bear hug from, no words or questions. Just a big, comforting, reassuring hug.

2) It's nice to know that I have someone who will be there for me no matter what happens in the next two months.

3) It's nice to know that I have one more someone for whom I want to better myself for.

4) It's nice to know that I have one more reason to wake up and make the best out of my day.

5) It's nice to know that I have someone to hook little fingers with.

6) It's nice to know that I've someone to tell me to be upfront and tell my guy that I need him when I need him instead of trying to be headstrong.

7) It's nice to know that I've someone-s to msg when I receive bad news and whom will call to check if I need to talk.

8) It's nice to know that I've someone who will keep waking up in the middle of the night when I've had a rough night to check if I'm alright, even if he's super tired.

A big thank you to A, S, C, and esp JR. I spent the whole week drained only to realise the difference 24 hrs can make. Love you.

And Happy Yuan Xiao Jie... which officially marks the end of the Lunar New Year celebration!

So Nice - Bebel Gilberto

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
And be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yeah, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be nice

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
To be a team with me
So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yes, that would be so nice
Shouldn't we, you and me?
I can see it will be nice...

Wandering along her moon river.

In the last two hours of 2010...

“If you think back and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears either of joy or sadness, consider it wasted.”

突然好想你

Thesis first submission! Lotsa packing!

Why try to change me now - Perfect smoky jazz bar song

Weekend of triple celebrations. :: Makan time! :: No mambo. :: Bad Romance.

It's been ages!

Conversations in 2009

Lean on me :: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Post bday, pre wedding!

Birthday 2009 - Awesome, Love, Introspective

She's got you high - 500 days of summer OST

On and On

Lie to me :: Of crepes and champagne :: Girly weekend @ Pump Room ::

我怀念的

New sem :: H1N1 :: Hello September! ::

Two weekends. :: Food fest :: Just dance

End of hectic holidays :: Circumstances. :: An august August.

王力宏 - 腳本

Let it be. Let it be.

Weekends. :: Thesis :: Half-Blood Prince

Smile :: I'll be there

Black or white :: Rock my world

Michael Jackson (1958-2009) - Ben

Crazy busy but happy! :: Retrospective long one today.

Hearts Pearl of the Orient! :: Hits the ground running upon touch down.

《双子星》主题曲：寂寞光年-刘力杨

Fragility of life. :: Wanderlust. :: My Canto sucks!

Wanderlust :: Angels & Demons

Midnight repose

Craziness is over! Hols begin with a full blown flu.

A love that will last :: Happy 1st week to TMG &TK!

Fate :: Destiny :: Our choices make us who we are.. ::

Responsibilities and being true to myself

Is it ever too late?

I'm not strong, I just refuse to be weak.

一個人一生當中, 總有那麼 一件事 一個人, 讓你一生難忘

“If a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a s---, it’s because he doesn’t give a s---.”

Slumdog's the Dawg! :: Paper Planes.

V Day is dead! :: Kiss the Girl

It's nice to know...

一個人一生當中, 總有那麼一件事一個人, 讓你一生難忘