Monday, December 14, 2009

Lean on me :: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

J told me this when he heard about what happened today... to lean on my friends. Honestly too caught up with lotsa stuff lately to really settle down and deal with it.

Am glad that school has come to a close, after the hectic grading for both modules. Maybe I was being overly ambitious to tackle two new modules in one semester, but I guess I wanted to expand my repertoire of modules, or maybe I already had the feeling of what was to come. Been preoccupied with stuff at home but wanted to make sure that I am done with my teaching duties before dealing with what to do next at home.

Breaking down the war I have to deal with into battles might be easier to handle, but it is also draining. Do not really want to talk about it here though close friends know what happened. I guess in their own way they can't really do much as well, except to support me and be there for me. Me being the mule-headed one though, will not want to impose them.

But no matter what, I am really grateful for the opportunities to help teach culture industries and intercultural comm. I was working with a great bunch of colleagues this sem and I got to learn a lot in the process. M mentioned recently that something he wants out of his job is to be able to learn and I share his sentiments. To pick up new knowledge, new skills and to apply them. It was honestly trying to learn and lead at the same time but my lecturers and fellow tutors supported each other through the process and for this I am grateful for. My students were also a blast this sem and I enjoyed seeing the familiar faces while getting acquainted with the new ones.

Post exams were pre wedding prep for LT n K. Have not shared much with LT coz she was already bogged and stressed with her wedding. Was helping out with the wedding almost immediately after I was done with grading so I had v little time to catch up on much needed rest. Am glad that LT's wedding went well, lovely wedding, lovely bride and the sweet couple. Someone in particular made an interesting impression which led to Y teasing me for most of the evening. Realised how small Spore is when I saw someone I did not want to bump into en route to the dinner. C was right to say that Spore is so small, it is inevitable that I see him around at some point.

J asked if the encounter made me feel that I should feel something when I do not have any feelings towards him left. I think it was a case of forgotten memories which should remain forgotten. Honestly I can't remember much, just that there's the jolt of generally negative vibes. Not too sure why I felt the way I did.

Last week was particularly difficult for me as it was bad news after bad news after bad news. I wonder if it was my incompetence or just my luck, or lack of it. But realising that neither thinking will resolve anything, I decided to just focus on dealing with it and finding solutions. Am hoping that the news will not affect my dad's health badly and that he will take it in stride. Am still adjusting to my new role in the family. I don't know how I am going to deal with it, just a day at a time for now I guess. Feeling drained though. Dealing with thesis during the semester was tough as I was meeting with a lot of roadblocks, with one unfeasible idea after another. Am looking forward to my sup returning and us sorting it out.

Not feeling particularly Christmasy this year. Which is sending off warning bells for friends like J, who knows what a Christmas freak I am. From the Christmas lights to setting up the tree to present shopping and Christmas dinner. I've not really checked out Christmas lights though I have watched A Christmas Carol. It's awfully trying to get to cheer everyone up when I'm not feeling particularly cheery myself. I have to do it though as I need to be strong for my family, especially now. Will not be online much, more important offline stuff to deal with for now. To everyone reading, here's an advanced Merry Christmas.

One reason why I was piqued by that particular brother, besides the "interrogation" and his proactiveness during LT's wedding, was that he liked Glee, which I like as well! A song from the show which I feel is q apt for me now, pure serendipity that J mentioned it today.


Lean on me - originally by Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me..