Saturday, August 8, 2009

End of hectic holidays :: Circumstances. :: An august August.

Probably my last post before the semester begins, a very busy long weekend ahead, going over to F's place for housewarming, meeting baby L for the very first time! Yea! Then going over to C for a sleepover girly gal thing, love her place - five levels and a pool, who needs Bali or Bintan when you have it at your doorstep? Am envious! Meeting A for dinner before that as well. Sun is a day with the fab five, food trail around Singapore and maybe games and wines? Playing by ear but am sure that I will get good and meaningful encounters this weekend! Can't go wrong with friends like this!

Am grateful for the support from friends after the previous post. Some pretty unexpected and interesting feedback as well... you know who you are! ;) Also, I need to clear up this Ion incident, I've been getting messages from friends, different friends who have 'seen' me at Ion with this tall guy at different stores (LV, Sephora, Taste Paradise???). First up, it wasn't me. ha. And second, please don't feel bad about coming up to say hi! :)

About my previous post, I don't see myself as savvy in that kind of politics, and contrary to what some believe, I think that being nice doesn't put you at an advantage, in fact it may play against you when you get thrown a curveball. :( But I think that being wary and on guard all the time is tiring as well. I guess you can't please everyone and the people who are really worth proving yourself to at the end of the day, do not need proving. Just that I don't see the point in being antagonistic or being whiny all the time and I believe picking my battles.

Think I'm picking up precious lessons along the way in the past year, who to trust, who not to trust, getting rid of the hypocritical ones (yes, giving others the impression that they are wronged and wana talk while sending nuisance nasty smses and making nuisance calls), getting others to clear up their mess because they think they have some money, yes, I've learnt to purge such people from my life and I'm taking no nonsense from them.

Some friends feel that I'm making a very clear and clean cut from such people: no calls, no smses, no contact. Kinda heartless? Maybe. But after last year, I do not see the point in keeping in touch with some of them. Not that it was easy to cut them out of my life like that. But it was something that had to be done. So that I can move on and away from the toxic relationships. You may call it a spring cleaning of sorts. ha. Even moving on is taking time, am consciously keeping away from relationships and potential ones now because I'm still recovering from the toll of the ones in the last year. Some days it seems like there's some light coming in and other days are just plain bad. But for me, I've learnt in the past year to compartmentalise, to work, juggle family stuff, go out with friends and hang out, socialise, work on my thesis even if things are less than good at the other end. I honestly duno how I do it but I just do it.

Was having my lesson today and as he brought me to many of the haunts in the east, I was reminded of the relationship which ended almost a year back. Felt a pang which I did not feel for some time. I did not expect that. I realise that sometimes when something hurts really bad, my survival mechanism comes up and even though I can't remember much anymore, or maybe even how he looks like, I just know that something is bad and as part of the famous adage goes: never again, no matter what. He gave me some interesting advice, like how terrible guys can be, esp once they think they have gotten the girl, etc.. and about fate and destiny. Maybe it's true in the sense that with each relationship, I know what I want and my own limits and boundaries, to stop trying to believe in the best of others and believing that my choice was right, which is something which T felt I should have drawn up, so that I "wun let the scum in". But it's one thing to hear T say it but another thing to him say that.

Was talking to someone recently. We talked for sometime and we talked about some stuff. I just think that after the flops in the past year, I miss singlehood. Relationships in the past year seem to double my problems and adding on unneccessary drama and problems which I should have not deal with if the guy was the right one for me, which was the advice he meted out tonight, which was what my other much more experienced friends said. He understood my stand and did not push me, just hoped that with my planned next career step put on hold for now, which makes sense to try it out, but given my circumstances, I dun wana end up being an emotional burden to him. I wun mind him being with me as a friend, together with my other friends who are trying to help me help myself in that area which I do admit that I seem to flounder so. Their infinite patience is amazing. You know who you are. Thanks. *hugs*

Since we are on the line of circumstances, I read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers for the past week, which seems a little like Alain de Botton in the sense that it states the obvious; and back them up with stats, like how success is affected not really by tradtional notions of success singularly but a mixture of other factors like family background which are out of our control, etc.. It provided me a reality check about success and how much we are limited. But part of me rebels against some of his postulations as it makes success seem more circumstantial than anything and if we lose that motivation to succeed because of the family we are born in, the month that we are born in, our ancestors' lifestyle, then what else do we have left? Like the book puts forth: hard work. Maybe talent doesn't count as much and there's a limit to how far talent can get you. I read with interest the case of the guy with the highest IQ in the world, who instead of becoming the next Socrates or tv writer (we definitely need more intelligent tv shows!), decided to work on the farm. And this might be the smartest guy around, making the smartest decision ever.

So a round up, had a hectic hols working on my thesis... things are crazy but hopefully everything works out... am grateful for an understanding sup... I ended up bringing down my IRB form to their office on a sweltering afternoon before my lesson. Tutoring my cuz also ended up in tennis lesson two. Coach J seems v optimistic, learnt to hit the ball in the first lesson, backhand the second. Now he is talking abt getting tennis shoes and rackets and all this coming from a guy who asked us to come in our track shoes and lends us rackets, I feel a slight surge of optimism. :)

Another semester begins, am glad to receive students I've taught dropping me a line to tell me that they are taking the modules I'm helping out this sem... yea! Can't wait for next week to come! Had a couple of meetings and I'm looking forward to this sem! :) Also managed to get a copy of the latest book out on the Goh Chok Tong administration, saw a couple of familiar names... and I think it's interesting how this book covers the different aspects of the issues he tackled as PM for 14 years. And the contributors to the book do offer contrary and interesting observations on issues such as the gay community during the administation and how he is portrayed in the media. Such apt timing, just before National Day and the day when it was announced that the government is on the lookout for PM Lee's successor. ;) Thanks to G for dropping me a line this morning about it... it was pure serendipity that I managed to see it in the lib today! :)

Song tonight reminds me of the talk we had. A song that I can relate it to on so many levels but like wat WY will expect, I shall just leave it at this. Poignant lyrics which are raw and lovely, though I dun really get it as well. I like Wang Lee Hom's ballads! :)

Happy National Day and enjoy your long weekend peeps! :)

王力宏 - 腳本

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑 牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺 慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本 陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角 劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑 牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺 慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本 陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角 劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑 牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺 慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本 陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角 劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好