Thursday, December 31, 2009

Conversations in 2009

In one of the most memorable conversations I've had this year, Y told me that I am a beautiful girl with lotsa personality and strength, sometimes even more strength than I know. It was one of those rare serious-sincere moments in our friendship that took me by surprise, yet also oddly touched. That comment meant a lot to me because Y is one of the most beautiful persons I know, in an effortlessly pretty-Blake Lively sort of way, with her sunshine disposition and strength in character yet always sincere to everyone. And she has known me for 15 years. ;)

S has also encouraged me more than once in this year to draw upon my strength and resilience in handling some problems and disappointments which cropped up along the way. For myself, I usually do not stop to ponder or evaluate if I have the strength or resilience, but rather, I just try my best to gather myself together and move on, in resolving the problems or coping with the problems and disappointments whilst trying to be there for those who need me.

A feels that my ability to detach emotionally from the situation when a decision needs to be made (after all the initial raving and ranting of course, haha) is something that she could use more of, maybe in reference to her family business or life in general I am not sure; but I assured her that the decisiveness she has witnessed, from my career switch to pursue my Masters to dumping ex-es which I feel are not suitable for me is not without any emotional context, but maybe a reflection of my personality where I am constantly trying to make sense of things around me, even though some situations may not be explained by logic. One thing I have learnt in 2009 though, is to stop the rationalising sometimes and to just accept the situation and try to work around it or find an adequate resolution.

Because the worst thing one can say to me is "MnM, you can't do it." That alone is a gauntlet for me to try my best to achieve it, especially if I think I can do it. Someone once told me that Arts students should not try out subjects such as Technopreneurship, because it is not my cuppa. I tried out and did well in that minor, because I feel that I can. Same thing for the ex who told me that I was too weak and upset by the results of the applications earlier this year to end the relationship: I ended the relationship when the final result of the applications came in and decided to give up my place in a rather prestigious comms school due to lack of funding. (Btw E is still going on at me about it, haha.) Perhaps I was having second thoughts when I did them, whether I could pull them off. But I did pull them off and I am a better person for those decisions.

About the conversations I've had with both my gal and guy pals,J, M, V, C, S and so on, be it about the break up(s) or the guys in my life (or lack of) in general, I think this piece just about sums it up. "Anyone can easily walk away from someone else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. The real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away could be so much easier." When it comes to romantic relationships, or even friendships, I think that we always have a choice. I am not above walking away from a diamond ring or promises of ever after if I doubt the veracity of the fluffy but ultimately pointless promises. Despite saying that, I think that 2010 may be an interesting year, though I shall keep mum for now.

B once told me that he seldom posts his personal thoughts except on professional matters on his blog and our blogging styles differ q a bit. Honestly though, I wonder how much about a person can one truly know from their online persona? Given all the impression management, self censorship to some extent that goes on? Anyways, I have the sneaky impression that the music that I post here draw more readers, who wants to read my ruminations to begin with? haha. :)

All in all, for me, 2009 has been a year of memorable conversations with the friends and people in my life. Whatever comes in 2010, I can only say this for myself: In the end, the show must go on.

Music mashup: Top 25 of 2009 by DJ Earworm
(No Jonas Brothers, yea!) ;)

The Black Eyed Peas - BOOM BOOM POW
Lady Gaga - POKER FACE
Lady Gaga Featuring Colby ODonis - JUST DANCE
The Black Eyed Peas - I GOTTA FEELING
Taylor Swift - LOVE STORY
Jason Mraz - IM YOURS
Kanye West - HEARTLESS
The All-American Rejects - GIVES YOU HELL
T.I. Featuring Justin Timberlake - DEAD AND GONE
Kings Of Leon - USE SOMEBODY
Keri Hilson Featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo - KNOCK YOU DOWN
Jamie Foxx Featuring T-Pain - BLAME IT
T.I. Featuring Rihanna - LIVE YOUR LIFE
Soulja Boy Tell em Featuring Sammie - KISS ME THRU THE PHONE
Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne - DOWN
Miley Cyrus - THE CLIMB
Beyonce - HALO
Katy Perry - HOT N COLD


joel said...

the vid can't be played anymore! =(

StarryNite said...

@Joel: Did not realise the link was not working, no time to manage the blog this semester. :) I've re-embedded the link... should be working... enjoy! (if you like mashups, haha). :)

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