Thursday, December 31, 2009

Conversations in 2009

In one of the most memorable conversations I've had this year, Y told me that I am a beautiful girl with lotsa personality and strength, sometimes even more strength than I know. It was one of those rare serious-sincere moments in our friendship that took me by surprise, yet also oddly touched. That comment meant a lot to me because Y is one of the most beautiful persons I know, in an effortlessly pretty-Blake Lively sort of way, with her sunshine disposition and strength in character yet always sincere to everyone. And she has known me for 15 years. ;)

S has also encouraged me more than once in this year to draw upon my strength and resilience in handling some problems and disappointments which cropped up along the way. For myself, I usually do not stop to ponder or evaluate if I have the strength or resilience, but rather, I just try my best to gather myself together and move on, in resolving the problems or coping with the problems and disappointments whilst trying to be there for those who need me.

A feels that my ability to detach emotionally from the situation when a decision needs to be made (after all the initial raving and ranting of course, haha) is something that she could use more of, maybe in reference to her family business or life in general I am not sure; but I assured her that the decisiveness she has witnessed, from my career switch to pursue my Masters to dumping ex-es which I feel are not suitable for me is not without any emotional context, but maybe a reflection of my personality where I am constantly trying to make sense of things around me, even though some situations may not be explained by logic. One thing I have learnt in 2009 though, is to stop the rationalising sometimes and to just accept the situation and try to work around it or find an adequate resolution.

Because the worst thing one can say to me is "MnM, you can't do it." That alone is a gauntlet for me to try my best to achieve it, especially if I think I can do it. Someone once told me that Arts students should not try out subjects such as Technopreneurship, because it is not my cuppa. I tried out and did well in that minor, because I feel that I can. Same thing for the ex who told me that I was too weak and upset by the results of the applications earlier this year to end the relationship: I ended the relationship when the final result of the applications came in and decided to give up my place in a rather prestigious comms school due to lack of funding. (Btw E is still going on at me about it, haha.) Perhaps I was having second thoughts when I did them, whether I could pull them off. But I did pull them off and I am a better person for those decisions.

About the conversations I've had with both my gal and guy pals,J, M, V, C, S and so on, be it about the break up(s) or the guys in my life (or lack of) in general, I think this piece just about sums it up. "Anyone can easily walk away from someone else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. The real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away could be so much easier." When it comes to romantic relationships, or even friendships, I think that we always have a choice. I am not above walking away from a diamond ring or promises of ever after if I doubt the veracity of the fluffy but ultimately pointless promises. Despite saying that, I think that 2010 may be an interesting year, though I shall keep mum for now.

B once told me that he seldom posts his personal thoughts except on professional matters on his blog and our blogging styles differ q a bit. Honestly though, I wonder how much about a person can one truly know from their online persona? Given all the impression management, self censorship to some extent that goes on? Anyways, I have the sneaky impression that the music that I post here draw more readers, who wants to read my ruminations to begin with? haha. :)

All in all, for me, 2009 has been a year of memorable conversations with the friends and people in my life. Whatever comes in 2010, I can only say this for myself: In the end, the show must go on.





Music mashup: Top 25 of 2009 by DJ Earworm
(No Jonas Brothers, yea!) ;)

The Black Eyed Peas - BOOM BOOM POW
Lady Gaga - POKER FACE
Lady Gaga Featuring Colby ODonis - JUST DANCE
The Black Eyed Peas - I GOTTA FEELING
Taylor Swift - LOVE STORY
Flo Rida - RIGHT ROUND
Jason Mraz - IM YOURS
Beyonce - SINGLE LADIES (PUT A RING ON IT)
Kanye West - HEARTLESS
The All-American Rejects - GIVES YOU HELL
Taylor Swift - YOU BELONG WITH ME
T.I. Featuring Justin Timberlake - DEAD AND GONE
The Fray - YOU FOUND ME
Kings Of Leon - USE SOMEBODY
Keri Hilson Featuring Kanye West & Ne-Yo - KNOCK YOU DOWN
Jamie Foxx Featuring T-Pain - BLAME IT
Pitbull - I KNOW YOU WANT ME (CALLE OCHO)
T.I. Featuring Rihanna - LIVE YOUR LIFE
Soulja Boy Tell em Featuring Sammie - KISS ME THRU THE PHONE
Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne - DOWN
Miley Cyrus - THE CLIMB
Drake - BEST I EVER HAD
Kelly Clarkson - MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUT YOU
Beyonce - HALO
Katy Perry - HOT N COLD

Monday, December 14, 2009

Lean on me :: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

J told me this when he heard about what happened today... to lean on my friends. Honestly too caught up with lotsa stuff lately to really settle down and deal with it.

Am glad that school has come to a close, after the hectic grading for both modules. Maybe I was being overly ambitious to tackle two new modules in one semester, but I guess I wanted to expand my repertoire of modules, or maybe I already had the feeling of what was to come. Been preoccupied with stuff at home but wanted to make sure that I am done with my teaching duties before dealing with what to do next at home.

Breaking down the war I have to deal with into battles might be easier to handle, but it is also draining. Do not really want to talk about it here though close friends know what happened. I guess in their own way they can't really do much as well, except to support me and be there for me. Me being the mule-headed one though, will not want to impose them.

But no matter what, I am really grateful for the opportunities to help teach culture industries and intercultural comm. I was working with a great bunch of colleagues this sem and I got to learn a lot in the process. M mentioned recently that something he wants out of his job is to be able to learn and I share his sentiments. To pick up new knowledge, new skills and to apply them. It was honestly trying to learn and lead at the same time but my lecturers and fellow tutors supported each other through the process and for this I am grateful for. My students were also a blast this sem and I enjoyed seeing the familiar faces while getting acquainted with the new ones.

Post exams were pre wedding prep for LT n K. Have not shared much with LT coz she was already bogged and stressed with her wedding. Was helping out with the wedding almost immediately after I was done with grading so I had v little time to catch up on much needed rest. Am glad that LT's wedding went well, lovely wedding, lovely bride and the sweet couple. Someone in particular made an interesting impression which led to Y teasing me for most of the evening. Realised how small Spore is when I saw someone I did not want to bump into en route to the dinner. C was right to say that Spore is so small, it is inevitable that I see him around at some point.

J asked if the encounter made me feel that I should feel something when I do not have any feelings towards him left. I think it was a case of forgotten memories which should remain forgotten. Honestly I can't remember much, just that there's the jolt of generally negative vibes. Not too sure why I felt the way I did.

Last week was particularly difficult for me as it was bad news after bad news after bad news. I wonder if it was my incompetence or just my luck, or lack of it. But realising that neither thinking will resolve anything, I decided to just focus on dealing with it and finding solutions. Am hoping that the news will not affect my dad's health badly and that he will take it in stride. Am still adjusting to my new role in the family. I don't know how I am going to deal with it, just a day at a time for now I guess. Feeling drained though. Dealing with thesis during the semester was tough as I was meeting with a lot of roadblocks, with one unfeasible idea after another. Am looking forward to my sup returning and us sorting it out.

Not feeling particularly Christmasy this year. Which is sending off warning bells for friends like J, who knows what a Christmas freak I am. From the Christmas lights to setting up the tree to present shopping and Christmas dinner. I've not really checked out Christmas lights though I have watched A Christmas Carol. It's awfully trying to get to cheer everyone up when I'm not feeling particularly cheery myself. I have to do it though as I need to be strong for my family, especially now. Will not be online much, more important offline stuff to deal with for now. To everyone reading, here's an advanced Merry Christmas.

One reason why I was piqued by that particular brother, besides the "interrogation" and his proactiveness during LT's wedding, was that he liked Glee, which I like as well! A song from the show which I feel is q apt for me now, pure serendipity that J mentioned it today.


Lean on me - originally by Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Lean on me..

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Post bday, pre wedding!





Have't met you yet - Michael Buble

I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it.
I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmm...

I might have to wait.
I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing,
And the other half's luck.
Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
And now I can see every possibility.

Mmmm...

But somehow I know that it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair.
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and,
We'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And being in your life is gonna change me.
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmm.

And someday I know it'll all turn out.
And I'll work to work it out.
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get,
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Ohhh!

You know it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet.
Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.

(I said love, love, love, love...)
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Birthday 2009 - Awesome, Love, Introspective

Been too busy to blog these days, too busy to even keep track of my life, suffice to say that there's a lot going on. :)

Students noticed me the days leading up to my birthday this year, as some wished me in class on my birthday eve when they saw me dressed up for my birthday celebrations. I felt a little awkward but I guess it's time for a change and am making the best of my super hectic schedule this sem.

This entry really does not do justice to those who planned and celebrated my birthday this year, but suffice to say that it was a series of celebrations which stretched for a couple of weeks, from two weeks before the date to two weeks after, am grateful and thankful for all who took time out of their busy schedules. Just the meet ups were more than enough, but to meet up with loved ones were using my birthday was the icing on the cake, no pun intended! :)

Also, I realised that while I'm really grateful to all the well wishes online, most of my closest friends are more active offline, which led to me taking a hiatus from my online haunts, esp FB. Perhaps I'm starting to suffer FB fatigue, esp since I have been keeping track of FB for my thesis. Heh.

Think my love for food, one of the consistent loves of my life, among others, is evident in my friends' choices for my birthday. In my bday week alone, I had the good fortune of trying out eight different cuisines in seven days, from the eclectic (middle eastern) to the perennial favs (dim sum, Jap). But good food does feel lacking somewhat if enjoyed without good company and I do feel blessed with both for my birthday.

Honestly, I am not a fan of my birthdays, though I love organising and celebrating birthdays of close friends and family. Think the weeks preceding my birthday were a whirlwind of events which left me feeling lost and bleak. It was also a period of introspection, which did not do me much good, honestly. Will not go much into it here, just a note to remind myself of that bittersweet period. Bitter because of what was happening then and sweet because through the bleakness, the tiny but steady glow of friendship shone through.

As I blew out the many candles for my birthday this year at the different venues, with different groups of friends, the candles represented more than just my age, they represented the love and general awesomeness of my friends and their silent promise to be there for me when all's dark. A promise which they made good recently. And I am grateful and humbled.

This year, I also promised myself to not repeat the trend of birthdays for the last two years, to spend it with beaus who ended up being boyfriends and were all wrong for me. The temptation was there, but in the end, I decided to spend a very stormy Halloween with friends. Although it was cold and rainy outside, I felt warm and loved by peeps who I know will be there for me long after the heat and passion of a love affair has cooled. Ok, good food, company and wine did help some! ;) Also bought for myself a new baby this year to replace my long suffering PC of seven years - a spanking new MacBook! Was a little offended when a friend thought that someone had got it for me - I like and value my independence, even if it means scrimping for the rest of the month! Received lovely gifts from friends as well, got another robin blue pouch again this year... had a Breakfast at Tiffany's moment - special gifts from special friends. :)

As I heard the storm raging on my birthday, I took it as a sign that all the unhappy and bad stuff that has happened in the last year will be washed away, and as I stepped out of the car on my way back, I took a deep breath of the cool, fresh after rain air and hoped for a new beginning.

Which brings me to my song, took me a long time to select this song but I think that this is my fav song for a reason. It sums up how life is constantly changing, how we should embrace the change and what life has in store for us. Nice clip from one of my fav movies too, really like Meg Ryan's character in the movie as well. :)


Dreams - The Cranberries
Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...


Friday, October 16, 2009

She's got you high - 500 days of summer OST


She's got you high - Mumm-Ra
(500 Days of Summer closing credits)

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
The sun's in the sky, its warming up your bare legs
You can't deny your looking for the sunset

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
It's the search for the time before it leaves without you
Have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
The sun's in the sky, it makes for happy endings
You can't deny you want a happy ending

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high
She's got you high
She's got you high

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

On and On


On and On - Stephen Bishop (1977)

Down in Jamaica
They got lots of pretty women
Steal your money
Then they break your heart
Lonesome Sue, she's in love with ol' Sam
Take him from the fire into the frying pan

On and on
She just keeps on trying
And she smiles when she feels like crying
On and on, on and on, on and on

Poor ol' Jimmy
Sits alone in the moonlight
Saw his woman kiss another man
So he takes a ladder
Steals the stars from the sky
Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry

On and on
He just keeps on trying
And he smiles when he feels like crying
On and on, on and on, on and on

When the first time is the last time
It can make you feel so bad
But if you know it, show it
Hold on tight
Don't let her say goodnight

Got the sun on my shoulders
And my toes in the sand
My woman's left me for the some other man
Aw, but I don't care
I'll just dream and stay tan
Toss up my heart to see where it lands

On and on
I just keep on trying
And I smile when I feel like dying
On and on, on and on, on and on

On and on, on and on, on and on
On and on, on and on, on and on

Monday, September 7, 2009

Lie to me :: Of crepes and champagne :: Girly weekend @ Pump Room ::

It has been an eventful weekend, essentially a girly weekend but peppered with lotsa amusing anecdotes and spontaneity! One thing I realised since linking my FB to my blog, More people read from my Notes on FB and more respond via FB as well. For instance, I did not expect the responses for my last post, with support and affirmation from friends. Was and still am at a loss for words and I can only come up with a humble "thank you". :)

My Fri started on a positive note, with back to back NM2201 tutorials from 4-6pm. Am glad I managed to carry out the activity with my classes and kept within the time limit, as well as provided them with instructions on their project. E was right, my classes do seem responsive and animated and did not need too much warming up. Love them! I overran but the tutor/lecturer after me was so nice about it, I think that being around the nasty ones make me appreciate the nice ones more! :)

The rest of my weekend was as follows:

Fri evening :: C's birthday! :: Battling peak hour traffic :: Sea salt caramel cake at Cedele, Raffles City :: Raffles Hotel mooncakes, wasn't impressed by their new offerings :: Arrived at French crepe place, which name and exact location shall remain undisclosed :: One hour wait :: A arrives! :: Talk with A :: Relationship revelations, one of my most mild mannered friends had a profound dislike for most recent ex's disposition. :: C n S arrives, finally! :: Food food food! :: Four seasons crepe ala us! :: French apple cider, French apple cider with blackcurrant liquor :: Gal talk over dinner :: Debate over Blackberry and iPhone, no question about winner, ha :: Snaps in time :: Desserts, love salted caramel butter! :: Pressies, very lovely pressies :: Cake and fun! :: Walk over to collect A's car from the scary carpark :: Drove over to get C's bday tipple :: Moet for the gals :: Beyond the sea, Rainbow connection, Goodbye :: Laughs over bubbly, love all around :: Time passes faster with great company and Moet :: Can't believe it's past 2! :: Reached home at 3, reverted to emails, turned in at 6 ::

Sat evening :: Dinner before heading to Pump Room :: Brief conversation with B who's home on a Sat, nice catching up with him! :: Found Pump Room, nearly walked into cute-ish guy while trying to get A, turns out cute-ish guy was one of the "bouncers" :: Joined A and the hen night entourage! :: Familiar faces, new faces :: Catching up and tidbits :: Interesting pressies for the bride... and groom :: The reason why there wasn't a male stripper for A :: Hilarious company :: Red devil's horns with a black veil ::

Live music -ZuQ & Jive talkin' :: Dancing Queen A :: "One of the easiest dedications for a bride to be!" :: First to get dragged by A, successfully, to the dance floor :: Fantastic music :: Mr Attention grabber with shades on the podium for Don't stop till you get enough, unimpressed though he did get a lot of attention from the floor. :: Great finish of first set :: Nice music mix during the break, more dancing :: Hydrate, chat, S came! ::

Set 2 from Jive talkin' :: More dancing! :: Guy who kept bumping into all of us, left, right and behind him. :: Kinda cute guy in black w glasses who kept moving nearer to us, A claimed he kept looking at us, ha. :: More singing back/together with Jive talkin :: Lotsa familiar songs! :: I'm yours, Beautiful girl/Stand by me ::

Break after second set :: Sudden grab of my hand by Mr Podium in shades, matched him move for move, made my break when he tried to get too close, he dropped his shades, not that cool after all. :: Persistent second try by Mr Podium who thinks he's God's gift to women :: Broke away and literally palmed a trio of his female groupies to him. :: Approving nods from peeps around my friends and me who were all watching Mr Podium n me, seriously?! :: Just dance ::

Picked up by a trio of guys :: Cheesy pick up lines, friends think they were lying about their age, way too young to be 29, ha. :: I know a Canadian accent when I hear one :: Got extricated by friends from the dance floor :: A n T said that there was a fellow female dancer who was stalking me?? who looked a lil like Maria Sharapova??, seriously?! :: Felt a guy from the trio was kinda ok, but T said I could do better, ha. ::

Back at the table with A and the rest! :: A n I had to hold hands to the ladies, got waylaid before n after by trio. :: Strictly girls affair ::

Set 3 begins :: It's raining men, I gotta feeling, Viva La Vida, It's my life, Living on a prayer :: Could not resist the allure of the dance floor :: One last dance with the gals :: Ended up beside the trio, seriously?! :: Kept avoiding Mr Alright from trio :: I wana dance with somebody, We will rock you, Forever young :: Beat it, ironic Mr Canadian tried to dance with me for this song, told him to beat it, politely of course. ha. :: Jive talkin really drew the mood out from the crowd ::

Hungry gals :: Spize :: Navigation at 3am :: Kay Poh Road, kid you not! :: Teh Halia :: More bride stories :: Raving about Jive Talkin with A on our way back :: Till the 19th babes! ::

Sun :: Reached home at 5am, had breakfast made by Dad, eggs and toast on a rainy morning :: Woke up to MacDonald's lunch by Dad too! :: Emails, checking forums, planning for tutorials next week :: Hanging up my dancing shoes :: Back to work mode, glad for the girly weekend! ::

It has been an eventful weekend, think I will go back to Pump Room at some point in time, for the music! It's different from club culture because of the live music, and there's no cover charge. Am impressed by the live band Jive Talkin', they have great rapport with the audience and they are also quite good! Nice mix of classics and current pop music. Overall generally nice atmosphere as well, persistent guys aside.

Frankly, there is a tiny element of an ego boost but am really just there for the music and to have a good time with my gals. Like what J says, I should give the guys kudos for trying in the first place. :) Turning down guys is also an art too, ask ten gals and you may have ten different ways of doing it. :) Too bad I din get to see the guy in black w glasses again during the third set, though he and his wing man did pass by our table a couple of times according to A during the break. Oh well, maybe too many gals, haha.

I've not danced in ages, seldom club, maybe once or twice max a year. Had great fun with the gals nonetheless, I think that it's really the company that counts when it comes to having a good time. Happy hen night to A! :)

YY has been recommending me this series, Lie to me; it so happened that this week, B and a couple of other friends also recommended it, finally got around to checking it, and I love it!! The main protagonist played by Tim Roth, reminds me of Gregory House in the medical series House. In Lie to me, Tim Roth plays a specialist in reading body language. The series revolves around situations in which he uses his skills to tell if people are lying to solve cases. Interesting stuff. I watched a documentary on micro expressions earlier this year and I think that this series touches a lot on that too. It's interesting to see footage from the Whitegate incident, the O.J Simpson case, etc. used as examples of certain emotions. Good stuff!

I managed to find footage of Jive Talkin' on Youtube, and included one of my fav songs of last night: Viva La Vida. This song really got the crowd going wild, me included. ;)



Viva La Vida - Coldplay

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word

Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice


Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes

Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key

Next the walls were closed on me

And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand


I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing

Roman Cavalry choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain


Once you go there was never

Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind

Blew down the doors to let me in

Shattered windows and the sound of drums

People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?


I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain

I know Saint Peter won't call my name

Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world


I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain

I know Saint Peter won't call my name

Never an honest word

But that was when I ruled the worl
d

© UNIVERSAL MUSIC - MGB SONGS

Thursday, September 3, 2009

我怀念的

If memory serves me right, a year ago today, I decided to leave him once and for all. No more chances, no more turning back. Ironic that one of my best friend's birthday falls on the same day, which is probably why I remember the day.

Not going to dwell on it today, or get emo about it. Remembered how I managed to get over it with the help and support of dear friends and family then. Have not talked about what happened with most and I don't intend to. Realised that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, that I had to leave toxic relationships and that in the end, no matter how much people around you help you, you have to want to help yourself. Let this be a reminder to myself.

That relationship left an indelible imprint upon me. Have forgotten a lot of stuff since then. But sometimes, some memories come back. I no longer fight them but allow the moment to come and go.

Some parts of this song sums up what I feel. Enuff said, don't want my cousin to tell me, with all the love in her heart, to "go emo one corner", ha.

"我怀念的 是无话不说 我怀念的 是一起作梦
我怀念的 是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
(谁 记得)谁 忘了

我怀念的 是无言感动 我怀念的 是绝对炽热
我怀念的 是你很激动求我原谅 抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后 也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火 最长的相拥"



我怀念的 -
孙燕姿
我问为什么 那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么 不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我 不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着 把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸 狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的 是无话不说 我怀念的 是一起作梦
我怀念的 是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
(谁 记得)谁 忘了

我怀念的 是无言感动 我怀念的 是绝对炽热
我怀念的 是你很激动求我原谅 抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后 也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火 最长的相拥
 
谁爱得太自由 谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心 谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走 谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重 谁忘了要给你温柔
 
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
我放手 我让座 假洒脱 谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了 所以我 没有哭 没有说

New sem :: H1N1 :: Hello September! ::

Can't believe how quickly August zipped past. Was busy adjusting to the new semester, am doing not one but two new modules, which in turn brings about two new sets of readings, lectures, etc., but am totally loving and relishing the experience so far! Hopefully my enthusiasm will rub off on the students. ha. Am working with great colleagues as well, for which I am grateful for. On and forward! :)

Was down with H1N1 last week, on the week when my tutorials began, was really bummed out as I was looking forward to the classes and meeting the students. Realised that quite a few of them are ex students from NM2219. Did not tell most people as I did not want them to freak out or get too worried, which I know they will, from the press reports thus far. Informed the school, colleagues and students in my class. Had to see the doc twice as the meds from the first time weren't working well. But I was kinda glad to have a very matter of fact and kinda blase doc who informed me that "9 out of 10 patients are down with H1N1 these days", which made me wonder about the dip in H1N1 cases that is reported in the papers these days. I think that most of us are opting out of the swabs because it is a tad costly and we would rather take our meds and recover.

H1N1 is like your worst flu experience, multiplied by at least 10 because of the temperature spikes, and I kept procastinating going to the doc's coz I hate going to the doc's and I was too weak to even get out of bed, much less go the doc's. Felt really faint from the fever and flu, could not feel my extremities at some point as well. Another friend came down with too,felt bad as I might have passed it to her when I just came down with it. :( But my colleagues came through, helped me take over my classes and my HoD was nothing but supportive and encouraging, which I appreciated. Hopefully the worst is over and I'm just left with a cough and an occassional sneeze.

Met up with L for her church's anniversary on Sunday, heard a good message and was introduced to her friends. A really nice bunch or guys and gals, too bad I could not join them for lunch, nvm will meet her again at A's wedding later this month! Met C n S for brunch at our little enclave to discuss C's bday plans and to do our girly chat, felt good to be out after being sick and stuck at home most of the week! :)


Had my first tutorials for NM3224. Was looking forward to it though the day got off to a bad start when I had an encounter with this German language tutor/lecturer whose class was before mine and when I opened the door to remind her, flipped at me before I could get a word out. Think my students waiting outside the classroom were shocked. Honestly I was as well but I know I had to remain calm and composed. When the class ended and I went in to set up, she had the gall to ask me in a superior tone "Is this way you treat your colleagues?" That was when it was time for me to step up and tell her off. "Is this the way you treat your colleagues?" I replied, giving her the don't mess with me look. She backed off, made some reason about not erasing the whiteboard and I plainly ignored her as I was setting up and the rest of my students streamed in. It happened that one of the department's student was in her tutorial and we struck up a conversation as I prepared my slides. When she came in again to erase the board which she thought I might be using, I ignored her and was prepared to tell her off firmly if she disrupted my class with anymore of her antics. Was glad it did not have to come to that because I did not want to have to put her down in front of my class. Sigh. I hope this doesn't happen again next week.

Most colleagues and friends are shocked at what happened, one commented that I seem to meet such rude colleagues more frequently than others. Some remembered the incident from last sem as well. I see it as a bummer, definitely, but also a need to learn to assert myself. I am not a pushover and do not take kindly when people take my general niceness for granted. Maybe it's a way to train myself to handle such people in such situations. No point shouting or lowering myself to their level but to try to raise above it and show them in no uncertain terms that I am not a pushover. Grrrr. haha. But despite that, I enjoyed my two hours of back to back tutorials immensely, students were shy but promising! :) I overran but the Chinese language tutor/lecturer was so nice about it, I went up to her to thank her for being understanding before I left. See what happens when people are nice to each other?? haha.

September looks packed and I do hope to get some stuff done. Just arranged for a farewell meal with E before he leaves, will miss him! Nice guy and colleague. Had to re-schedule from last week, as well as meeting with B after work for drinks as I was down with H1N1.

And today's C's birthday!! Can't believe another year's passed, she wants to par-tay this weekend, we shall see how that goes. ;) Happy birthday babe, love ya lots!

In a tone befitting for the par-tay this weekend, my fav song from B.E.P so far. Love the song, less so the mtv because I believe in happening fun, not debaunchery. Getting wasted - not fun at all. ;)



I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x3)
Tonight’s the night night
Let’s spend it up
Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Let’s get get OFF
I know that we’ll have a ball
If we get down
And go out
And just loose it all
I feel stressed out
I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
And loosing all control
Fill up my cup
Mozoltov
Look at her dancing
Just take it off
Lets paint the town
We’ll shut it down
Let’s burn the roof
And then we’ll do it again

Lets Do it (x3)
And live it up
I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good good night (x2)
Tonight’s the night
Let’s live it up
I got my money
Lets spend it up

Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Lets get get OFF
Fill up my cup (Drink)
Mozolotov (Lahyme)
Look at her dancing (Move it Move it)
Just take it off
Lets paint the town
We’ll shut it down
Lets burn the roof
And then we’ll do it again
Lets do it (x3)
Let’s live it up
Here we come
Here we go
We gotta rock
Easy come
Easy go
Now we on top
Feel the shot
Body rock
Rock it don’t stop
Round and round
Up and down
Around the clock
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday,
Saturday and Sunday
Get get get get get
With us you know what we say
Party everyday p-p-p-party
Party everyday
I gotta feeling that tonight gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night(x2)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Two weekends. :: Food fest :: Just dance

It's been a flurry of activities for the last two weekends, did not have a chance to make a note about last weekend, the long National Day weekend, and this weekend is upon us! I shall endeavour to make a quick note of both weekends, which do not do justice to the weekends, but that's the best I can do for now, and there are pictures on FB as well! :) Already C has dropped a line to ask about this picture of me and a delish steak sandwich. haha.

Long National Day weekend

FRI :: Brought grandmother out to Ion Orchard, tried Canton-i and Gusttimo. :: Heard about the terrible service at Gusttimo, but had a very pleasant experience with prompt and attentive wait staff. :: More than three hours of driving. :: Free fruits and refreshing coconut juice. ::

SAT :: Dropped by Tampines to pay long overdue visit to C&F and baby Lauralynn. :: Missed Fish n Co. :: Bought strawberry and cream puffs, reserved 7 more. :: Saw F's new wheels since we last met. :: Afternoon with CnF and baby Lauralynn. :: At a loss for baby talk. :: Catching up with CnF. :: Mummy's looks, Daddy's girl. :: One hour of baby interaction is draining enough, how does C do it everyday? :: Tour of house - my first pink kitchen! :: Dinner time - Missed out on meal at Changi :: Travelling from East to West, good thing I reserved the puffs, sold out when I got there. :: Lone figure under the street lamp. :: Drive over to Da Paolo. :: Picking out our dinner, National Day cupcakes. :: Dinner with the gals, Yummilicious food, lovely drinks! :: Nachos!! :: Cranium with J and the gals after dinner. :: Pulled off an imitation I thought I could never pull off, sign of C's faith in me, ha. :: Midnight sweets! :: Sleepover after a long day, but not before Facebooking at C's sleepover and doing our nails. :: Thanks C!!

SUN :: Sun's out and so are we! :: Service at Shoots.' :: Introduced Shoots to dim sum brunch at VK. :: Hits and misses. :: Leaving the lovelies to their shopping. :: VnJ's. :: Flowers, airconditioning and domestication. :: Liberation! :: Driving Miss and Mr Foodies. :: Food trail at Joo Chiat. :: The Beer Room: Beer is wonderful! :: Of Hobgoblins, Circusmaster and Wytchcraft:: Second round of dim sum for the day - fluffy char siew buns! :: Otahs. :: Delightful moist Hokkien Mee and my first encounter with Tau Kwa Pao. :: Sunset drive. :: Delightful magaritas on a hot National Day. :: Of good dwarfs and Saboteurs. :: Otah, drinks and conversation. :: Plans. :: Quick Citadels session. :: Cooking a cook out! :: Sacrifices for good food. :: afc. :: Chatting till we sleep. :: How sleepovers are rarely about sleep. :: The light pitter patter of rain.

MON :: Sleeping in on a rainy morning. :: Sleepy faces, happy people. :: Homemade breakfast - eggs and toast. :: More afc. :: Heavy lids. :: Postponing lunch appts. :: Singing in the rain. :: Love my friends. :: Room cleaning at home. :: Tired but fulfilled. :: End of a long weekend, a new semester begins.

And after a week of the onset of the flu, another weekend beckons. Was really happy to see familiar faces in school this week, even if it's just one lecture on Tues!

FRI :: Last min cancellations. :: Dinner with familar faces. :: New makan hangout. :: Dessert hunt, ended up at The Pump Room. :: Good live act, less than adequate sound system. :: Tower challenge. :: Reminiscing of drinking holes and hang outs. :: Talking everything under the sun under the moonlight.

SAT :: Wardrobe decisions, emergency calls. :: Dinner at Liang Court. :: Bellini Grande. :: Cooler babes than dudes. :: Gold 90.5. :: Soul Kool. :: Broiler brought to Bellini. :: Black label. :: Birthday boy turns 30! :: Wierd turn of events. :: Mambo Night at Bellini. :: Music picks up at midnight. :: Lady Gaga's selection done live! :: Just dance!:: Picking up someone requires a lot of timing, trying your luck when someone else is out cold is not one of them. :: Emergency calls. :: Eventful evening. :: Home at 5, in bed at 8.

Was planning a quiet non-eventful weekend, but surprises kept coming up. No matter, I am gonna hang my dancing shoes and settle down to my work and studies with the advent of the new semester!

Missed the Lady Gaga concert this week, A and J enjoyed it lots, picked a song tonight which reminded me of the good music mix last night! :)




Just dance - Lady Gaga

I've had a little bit too much, much
All of the people start to rush, start to rush by
How does he twist the dance? Can't find a drink, oh man
Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth, oh oh oh-oh
How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside outright
Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say
And we're all getting hosed tonight, oh oh oh-oh

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just

When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalog
Can't believe my eyes, so many women without a flaw
And I ain't gon' give it up, steady tryin' to pick it up like a car
I'ma hit it, I'ma hit it and flex and do it until tomorr' yeah

Shawty I can see that you got so much energy
The way you're twirlin' up them hips 'round and 'round
And now there's no reason at all why you can't leave here with me
In the meantime stay and let me watch you break it down

And dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

Woo! Let's go!

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint electronic

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint electronic

Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle
I got it, just stay close enough to get it
Don't slow! Drive it, clean it, lights out, bleed it
Spend the lasto
(I got it)
In your pocko
(I got it)
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

Saturday, August 8, 2009

End of hectic holidays :: Circumstances. :: An august August.

Probably my last post before the semester begins, a very busy long weekend ahead, going over to F's place for housewarming, meeting baby L for the very first time! Yea! Then going over to C for a sleepover girly gal thing, love her place - five levels and a pool, who needs Bali or Bintan when you have it at your doorstep? Am envious! Meeting A for dinner before that as well. Sun is a day with the fab five, food trail around Singapore and maybe games and wines? Playing by ear but am sure that I will get good and meaningful encounters this weekend! Can't go wrong with friends like this!

Am grateful for the support from friends after the previous post. Some pretty unexpected and interesting feedback as well... you know who you are! ;) Also, I need to clear up this Ion incident, I've been getting messages from friends, different friends who have 'seen' me at Ion with this tall guy at different stores (LV, Sephora, Taste Paradise???). First up, it wasn't me. ha. And second, please don't feel bad about coming up to say hi! :)

About my previous post, I don't see myself as savvy in that kind of politics, and contrary to what some believe, I think that being nice doesn't put you at an advantage, in fact it may play against you when you get thrown a curveball. :( But I think that being wary and on guard all the time is tiring as well. I guess you can't please everyone and the people who are really worth proving yourself to at the end of the day, do not need proving. Just that I don't see the point in being antagonistic or being whiny all the time and I believe picking my battles.

Think I'm picking up precious lessons along the way in the past year, who to trust, who not to trust, getting rid of the hypocritical ones (yes, giving others the impression that they are wronged and wana talk while sending nuisance nasty smses and making nuisance calls), getting others to clear up their mess because they think they have some money, yes, I've learnt to purge such people from my life and I'm taking no nonsense from them.

Some friends feel that I'm making a very clear and clean cut from such people: no calls, no smses, no contact. Kinda heartless? Maybe. But after last year, I do not see the point in keeping in touch with some of them. Not that it was easy to cut them out of my life like that. But it was something that had to be done. So that I can move on and away from the toxic relationships. You may call it a spring cleaning of sorts. ha. Even moving on is taking time, am consciously keeping away from relationships and potential ones now because I'm still recovering from the toll of the ones in the last year. Some days it seems like there's some light coming in and other days are just plain bad. But for me, I've learnt in the past year to compartmentalise, to work, juggle family stuff, go out with friends and hang out, socialise, work on my thesis even if things are less than good at the other end. I honestly duno how I do it but I just do it.

Was having my lesson today and as he brought me to many of the haunts in the east, I was reminded of the relationship which ended almost a year back. Felt a pang which I did not feel for some time. I did not expect that. I realise that sometimes when something hurts really bad, my survival mechanism comes up and even though I can't remember much anymore, or maybe even how he looks like, I just know that something is bad and as part of the famous adage goes: never again, no matter what. He gave me some interesting advice, like how terrible guys can be, esp once they think they have gotten the girl, etc.. and about fate and destiny. Maybe it's true in the sense that with each relationship, I know what I want and my own limits and boundaries, to stop trying to believe in the best of others and believing that my choice was right, which is something which T felt I should have drawn up, so that I "wun let the scum in". But it's one thing to hear T say it but another thing to him say that.

Was talking to someone recently. We talked for sometime and we talked about some stuff. I just think that after the flops in the past year, I miss singlehood. Relationships in the past year seem to double my problems and adding on unneccessary drama and problems which I should have not deal with if the guy was the right one for me, which was the advice he meted out tonight, which was what my other much more experienced friends said. He understood my stand and did not push me, just hoped that with my planned next career step put on hold for now, which makes sense to try it out, but given my circumstances, I dun wana end up being an emotional burden to him. I wun mind him being with me as a friend, together with my other friends who are trying to help me help myself in that area which I do admit that I seem to flounder so. Their infinite patience is amazing. You know who you are. Thanks. *hugs*

Since we are on the line of circumstances, I read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers for the past week, which seems a little like Alain de Botton in the sense that it states the obvious; and back them up with stats, like how success is affected not really by tradtional notions of success singularly but a mixture of other factors like family background which are out of our control, etc.. It provided me a reality check about success and how much we are limited. But part of me rebels against some of his postulations as it makes success seem more circumstantial than anything and if we lose that motivation to succeed because of the family we are born in, the month that we are born in, our ancestors' lifestyle, then what else do we have left? Like the book puts forth: hard work. Maybe talent doesn't count as much and there's a limit to how far talent can get you. I read with interest the case of the guy with the highest IQ in the world, who instead of becoming the next Socrates or tv writer (we definitely need more intelligent tv shows!), decided to work on the farm. And this might be the smartest guy around, making the smartest decision ever.

So a round up, had a hectic hols working on my thesis... things are crazy but hopefully everything works out... am grateful for an understanding sup... I ended up bringing down my IRB form to their office on a sweltering afternoon before my lesson. Tutoring my cuz also ended up in tennis lesson two. Coach J seems v optimistic, learnt to hit the ball in the first lesson, backhand the second. Now he is talking abt getting tennis shoes and rackets and all this coming from a guy who asked us to come in our track shoes and lends us rackets, I feel a slight surge of optimism. :)

Another semester begins, am glad to receive students I've taught dropping me a line to tell me that they are taking the modules I'm helping out this sem... yea! Can't wait for next week to come! Had a couple of meetings and I'm looking forward to this sem! :) Also managed to get a copy of the latest book out on the Goh Chok Tong administration, saw a couple of familiar names... and I think it's interesting how this book covers the different aspects of the issues he tackled as PM for 14 years. And the contributors to the book do offer contrary and interesting observations on issues such as the gay community during the administation and how he is portrayed in the media. Such apt timing, just before National Day and the day when it was announced that the government is on the lookout for PM Lee's successor. ;) Thanks to G for dropping me a line this morning about it... it was pure serendipity that I managed to see it in the lib today! :)

Song tonight reminds me of the talk we had. A song that I can relate it to on so many levels but like wat WY will expect, I shall just leave it at this. Poignant lyrics which are raw and lovely, though I dun really get it as well. I like Wang Lee Hom's ballads! :)

Happy National Day and enjoy your long weekend peeps! :)

王力宏 - 腳本

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑 牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺 慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本 陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角 劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑 牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺 慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本 陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角 劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一舉一動都譜寫著未來
世界也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次見面的場景

從來不曾懷疑 牽你渡過了瓶頸
多希望創造一個美好的結局
用最真的感覺 慢慢一頁一頁寫
我只期待你陪我演完

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

你愛得好有趣 就像一個編劇
你的一顰一言都譜寫著未來
思念也太乏味 更需要編得很美
像第一次分手的場景

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂 無所謂

<>

Oh~我們的腳本 要寫得好認真
我已經看過太多的悲劇
能給一點點笑 就算是笑中帶淚
我也無所謂

看完這個腳本 陷得好深好深
讓我如何演好愛你的人
故事里男主角 劇終時淚中帶笑
而他知道這最好