Lean on me :: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

J told me this when he heard about what happened today... to lean on my friends. Honestly too caught up with lotsa stuff lately to really settle down and deal with it.

Am glad that school has come to a close, after the hectic grading for both modules. Maybe I was being overly ambitious to tackle two new modules in one semester, but I guess I wanted to expand my repertoire of modules, or maybe I already had the feeling of what was to come. Been preoccupied with stuff at home but wanted to make sure that I am done with my teaching duties before dealing with what to do next at home.

Breaking down the war I have to deal with into battles might be easier to handle, but it is also draining. Do not really want to talk about it here though close friends know what happened. I guess in their own way they can't really do much as well, except to support me and be there for me. Me being the mule-headed one though, will not want to impose them.

But no matter what, I am really grateful for the opportunities to help teach culture industries and intercultural comm. I was working with a great bunch of colleagues this sem and I got to learn a lot in the process. M mentioned recently that something he wants out of his job is to be able to learn and I share his sentiments. To pick up new knowledge, new skills and to apply them. It was honestly trying to learn and lead at the same time but my lecturers and fellow tutors supported each other through the process and for this I am grateful for. My students were also a blast this sem and I enjoyed seeing the familiar faces while getting acquainted with the new ones.

Post exams were pre wedding prep for LT n K. Have not shared much with LT coz she was already bogged and stressed with her wedding. Was helping out with the wedding almost immediately after I was done with grading so I had v little time to catch up on much needed rest. Am glad that LT's wedding went well, lovely wedding, lovely bride and the sweet couple. Someone in particular made an interesting impression which led to Y teasing me for most of the evening. Realised how small Spore is when I saw someone I did not want to bump into en route to the dinner. C was right to say that Spore is so small, it is inevitable that I see him around at some point.

J asked if the encounter made me feel that I should feel something when I do not have any feelings towards him left. I think it was a case of forgotten memories which should remain forgotten. Honestly I can't remember much, just that there's the jolt of generally negative vibes. Not too sure why I felt the way I did.

Last week was particularly difficult for me as it was bad news after bad news after bad news. I wonder if it was my incompetence or just my luck, or lack of it. But realising that neither thinking will resolve anything, I decided to just focus on dealing with it and finding solutions. Am hoping that the news will not affect my dad's health badly and that he will take it in stride. Am still adjusting to my new role in the family. I don't know how I am going to deal with it, just a day at a time for now I guess. Feeling drained though. Dealing with thesis during the semester was tough as I was meeting with a lot of roadblocks, with one unfeasible idea after another. Am looking forward to my sup returning and us sorting it out.

Not feeling particularly Christmasy this year. Which is sending off warning bells for friends like J, who knows what a Christmas freak I am. From the Christmas lights to setting up the tree to present shopping and Christmas dinner. I've not really checked out Christmas lights though I have watched A Christmas Carol. It's awfully trying to get to cheer everyone up when I'm not feeling particularly cheery myself. I have to do it though as I need to be strong for my family, especially now. Will not be online much, more important offline stuff to deal with for now. To everyone reading, here's an advanced Merry Christmas.

One reason why I was piqued by that particular brother, besides the "interrogation" and his proactiveness during LT's wedding, was that he liked Glee, which I like as well! A song from the show which I feel is q apt for me now, pure serendipity that J mentioned it today.

Lean on me - originally by Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain

We all have sorrow

But if we are wise

We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

'Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride

If I have things you need to borrow

For no one can fill those of your needs

That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

'Til I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear

That you can't carry

I'm right up the road

I'll share your load

If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand

We all need somebody to lean on

I just might have a problem that you'd understand

We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend

I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

Till I'm gonna need

Somebody to lean on

Lean on me..

Post bday, pre wedding!

Have't met you yet - Michael Buble

I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it.
I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmm...

I might have to wait.
I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing,
And the other half's luck.
Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
And now I can see every possibility.

Mmmm...

But somehow I know that it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair.
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and,
We'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And being in your life is gonna change me.
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmm.

And someday I know it'll all turn out.
And I'll work to work it out.
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get,
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Ohhh!

You know it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet.
Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.

(I said love, love, love, love...)
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet.

Birthday 2009 - Awesome, Love, Introspective

Been too busy to blog these days, too busy to even keep track of my life, suffice to say that there's a lot going on. :)

Students noticed me the days leading up to my birthday this year, as some wished me in class on my birthday eve when they saw me dressed up for my birthday celebrations. I felt a little awkward but I guess it's time for a change and am making the best of my super hectic schedule this sem.

This entry really does not do justice to those who planned and celebrated my birthday this year, but suffice to say that it was a series of celebrations which stretched for a couple of weeks, from two weeks before the date to two weeks after, am grateful and thankful for all who took time out of their busy schedules. Just the meet ups were more than enough, but to meet up with loved ones were using my birthday was the icing on the cake, no pun intended! :)

Also, I realised that while I'm really grateful to all the well wishes online, most of my closest friends are more active offline, which led to me taking a hiatus from my online haunts, esp FB. Perhaps I'm starting to suffer FB fatigue, esp since I have been keeping track of FB for my thesis. Heh.

Think my love for food, one of the consistent loves of my life, among others, is evident in my friends' choices for my birthday. In my bday week alone, I had the good fortune of trying out eight different cuisines in seven days, from the eclectic (middle eastern) to the perennial favs (dim sum, Jap). But good food does feel lacking somewhat if enjoyed without good company and I do feel blessed with both for my birthday.

Honestly, I am not a fan of my birthdays, though I love organising and celebrating birthdays of close friends and family. Think the weeks preceding my birthday were a whirlwind of events which left me feeling lost and bleak. It was also a period of introspection, which did not do me much good, honestly. Will not go much into it here, just a note to remind myself of that bittersweet period. Bitter because of what was happening then and sweet because through the bleakness, the tiny but steady glow of friendship shone through.

As I blew out the many candles for my birthday this year at the different venues, with different groups of friends, the candles represented more than just my age, they represented the love and general awesomeness of my friends and their silent promise to be there for me when all's dark. A promise which they made good recently. And I am grateful and humbled.

This year, I also promised myself to not repeat the trend of birthdays for the last two years, to spend it with beaus who ended up being boyfriends and were all wrong for me. The temptation was there, but in the end, I decided to spend a very stormy Halloween with friends. Although it was cold and rainy outside, I felt warm and loved by peeps who I know will be there for me long after the heat and passion of a love affair has cooled. Ok, good food, company and wine did help some! ;) Also bought for myself a new baby this year to replace my long suffering PC of seven years - a spanking new MacBook! Was a little offended when a friend thought that someone had got it for me - I like and value my independence, even if it means scrimping for the rest of the month! Received lovely gifts from friends as well, got another robin blue pouch again this year... had a Breakfast at Tiffany's moment - special gifts from special friends. :)

As I heard the storm raging on my birthday, I took it as a sign that all the unhappy and bad stuff that has happened in the last year will be washed away, and as I stepped out of the car on my way back, I took a deep breath of the cool, fresh after rain air and hoped for a new beginning.

Which brings me to my song, took me a long time to select this song but I think that this is my fav song for a reason. It sums up how life is constantly changing, how we should embrace the change and what life has in store for us. Nice clip from one of my fav movies too, really like Meg Ryan's character in the movie as well. :)

Dreams - The Cranberries

Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...

She's got you high - 500 days of summer OST

She's got you high - Mumm-Ra

(500 Days of Summer closing credits)

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
The sun's in the sky, its warming up your bare legs
You can't deny your looking for the sunset

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
It's the search for the time before it leaves without you
Have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
The sun's in the sky, it makes for happy endings
You can't deny you want a happy ending

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high
She's got you high
She's got you high

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high

Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We've lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it's going to come to
Keep romance alive and hope she's going to tell you

She's got you high!

On and On

On and On - Stephen Bishop (1977)

Down in Jamaica
They got lots of pretty women
Steal your money
Then they break your heart
Lonesome Sue, she's in love with ol' Sam
Take him from the fire into the frying pan

On and on
She just keeps on trying
And she smiles when she feels like crying
On and on, on and on, on and on

Poor ol' Jimmy
Sits alone in the moonlight
Saw his woman kiss another man
So he takes a ladder
Steals the stars from the sky
Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry

On and on
He just keeps on trying
And he smiles when he feels like crying
On and on, on and on, on and on

When the first time is the last time
It can make you feel so bad
But if you know it, show it
Hold on tight
Don't let her say goodnight

Got the sun on my shoulders
And my toes in the sand
My woman's left me for the some other man
Aw, but I don't care
I'll just dream and stay tan
Toss up my heart to see where it lands

On and on
I just keep on trying
And I smile when I feel like dying
On and on, on and on, on and on

On and on, on and on, on and on
On and on, on and on, on and on

Lie to me :: Of crepes and champagne :: Girly weekend @ Pump Room ::

It has been an eventful weekend, essentially a girly weekend but peppered with lotsa amusing anecdotes and spontaneity! One thing I realised since linking my FB to my blog, More people read from my Notes on FB and more respond via FB as well. For instance, I did not expect the responses for my last post, with support and affirmation from friends. Was and still am at a loss for words and I can only come up with a humble "thank you". :)

My Fri started on a positive note, with back to back NM2201 tutorials from 4-6pm. Am glad I managed to carry out the activity with my classes and kept within the time limit, as well as provided them with instructions on their project. E was right, my classes do seem responsive and animated and did not need too much warming up. Love them! I overran but the tutor/lecturer after me was so nice about it, I think that being around the nasty ones make me appreciate the nice ones more! :)

The rest of my weekend was as follows:

Fri evening :: C's birthday! :: Battling peak hour traffic :: Sea salt caramel cake at Cedele, Raffles City :: Raffles Hotel mooncakes, wasn't impressed by their new offerings :: Arrived at French crepe place, which name and exact location shall remain undisclosed :: One hour wait :: A arrives! :: Talk with A :: Relationship revelations, one of my most mild mannered friends had a profound dislike for most recent ex's disposition. :: C n S arrives, finally! :: Food food food! :: Four seasons crepe ala us! :: French apple cider, French apple cider with blackcurrant liquor :: Gal talk over dinner :: Debate over Blackberry and iPhone, no question about winner, ha :: Snaps in time :: Desserts, love salted caramel butter! :: Pressies, very lovely pressies :: Cake and fun! :: Walk over to collect A's car from the scary carpark :: Drove over to get C's bday tipple :: Moet for the gals :: Beyond the sea, Rainbow connection, Goodbye :: Laughs over bubbly, love all around :: Time passes faster with great company and Moet :: Can't believe it's past 2! :: Reached home at 3, reverted to emails, turned in at 6 ::

Sat evening :: Dinner before heading to Pump Room :: Brief conversation with B who's home on a Sat, nice catching up with him! :: Found Pump Room, nearly walked into cute-ish guy while trying to get A, turns out cute-ish guy was one of the "bouncers" :: Joined A and the hen night entourage! :: Familiar faces, new faces :: Catching up and tidbits :: Interesting pressies for the bride... and groom :: The reason why there wasn't a male stripper for A :: Hilarious company :: Red devil's horns with a black veil ::

Live music -ZuQ & Jive talkin' :: Dancing Queen A :: "One of the easiest dedications for a bride to be!" :: First to get dragged by A, successfully, to the dance floor :: Fantastic music :: Mr Attention grabber with shades on the podium for Don't stop till you get enough, unimpressed though he did get a lot of attention from the floor. :: Great finish of first set :: Nice music mix during the break, more dancing :: Hydrate, chat, S came! ::

Set 2 from Jive talkin' :: More dancing! :: Guy who kept bumping into all of us, left, right and behind him. :: Kinda cute guy in black w glasses who kept moving nearer to us, A claimed he kept looking at us, ha. :: More singing back/together with Jive talkin :: Lotsa familiar songs! :: I'm yours, Beautiful girl/Stand by me ::

Break after second set :: Sudden grab of my hand by Mr Podium in shades, matched him move for move, made my break when he tried to get too close, he dropped his shades, not that cool after all. :: Persistent second try by Mr Podium who thinks he's God's gift to women :: Broke away and literally palmed a trio of his female groupies to him. :: Approving nods from peeps around my friends and me who were all watching Mr Podium n me, seriously?! :: Just dance ::

Picked up by a trio of guys :: Cheesy pick up lines, friends think they were lying about their age, way too young to be 29, ha. :: I know a Canadian accent when I hear one :: Got extricated by friends from the dance floor :: A n T said that there was a fellow female dancer who was stalking me?? who looked a lil like Maria Sharapova??, seriously?! :: Felt a guy from the trio was kinda ok, but T said I could do better, ha. ::

Back at the table with A and the rest! :: A n I had to hold hands to the ladies, got waylaid before n after by trio. :: Strictly girls affair ::

Set 3 begins :: It's raining men, I gotta feeling, Viva La Vida, It's my life, Living on a prayer :: Could not resist the allure of the dance floor :: One last dance with the gals :: Ended up beside the trio, seriously?! :: Kept avoiding Mr Alright from trio :: I wana dance with somebody, We will rock you, Forever young :: Beat it, ironic Mr Canadian tried to dance with me for this song, told him to beat it, politely of course. ha. :: Jive talkin really drew the mood out from the crowd ::

Hungry gals :: Spize :: Navigation at 3am :: Kay Poh Road, kid you not! :: Teh Halia :: More bride stories :: Raving about Jive Talkin with A on our way back :: Till the 19th babes! ::

Sun :: Reached home at 5am, had breakfast made by Dad, eggs and toast on a rainy morning :: Woke up to MacDonald's lunch by Dad too! :: Emails, checking forums, planning for tutorials next week :: Hanging up my dancing shoes :: Back to work mode, glad for the girly weekend! ::

It has been an eventful weekend, think I will go back to Pump Room at some point in time, for the music! It's different from club culture because of the live music, and there's no cover charge. Am impressed by the live band Jive Talkin', they have great rapport with the audience and they are also quite good! Nice mix of classics and current pop music. Overall generally nice atmosphere as well, persistent guys aside.

Frankly, there is a tiny element of an ego boost but am really just there for the music and to have a good time with my gals. Like what J says, I should give the guys kudos for trying in the first place. :) Turning down guys is also an art too, ask ten gals and you may have ten different ways of doing it. :) Too bad I din get to see the guy in black w glasses again during the third set, though he and his wing man did pass by our table a couple of times according to A during the break. Oh well, maybe too many gals, haha.

I've not danced in ages, seldom club, maybe once or twice max a year. Had great fun with the gals nonetheless, I think that it's really the company that counts when it comes to having a good time. Happy hen night to A! :)

YY has been recommending me this series, Lie to me; it so happened that this week, B and a couple of other friends also recommended it, finally got around to checking it, and I love it!! The main protagonist played by Tim Roth, reminds me of Gregory House in the medical series House. In Lie to me, Tim Roth plays a specialist in reading body language. The series revolves around situations in which he uses his skills to tell if people are lying to solve cases. Interesting stuff. I watched a documentary on micro expressions earlier this year and I think that this series touches a lot on that too. It's interesting to see footage from the Whitegate incident, the O.J Simpson case, etc. used as examples of certain emotions. Good stuff!

I managed to find footage of Jive Talkin' on Youtube, and included one of my fav songs of last night: Viva La Vida. This song really got the crowd going wild, me included. ;)

Viva La Vida - Coldplay

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice

Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain

Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in

Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

© UNIVERSAL MUSIC - MGB SONGS

我怀念的

If memory serves me right, a year ago today, I decided to leave him once and for all. No more chances, no more turning back. Ironic that one of my best friend's birthday falls on the same day, which is probably why I remember the day.

Not going to dwell on it today, or get emo about it. Remembered how I managed to get over it with the help and support of dear friends and family then. Have not talked about what happened with most and I don't intend to. Realised that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, that I had to leave toxic relationships and that in the end, no matter how much people around you help you, you have to want to help yourself. Let this be a reminder to myself.

That relationship left an indelible imprint upon me. Have forgotten a lot of stuff since then. But sometimes, some memories come back. I no longer fight them but allow the moment to come and go.

Some parts of this song sums up what I feel. Enuff said, don't want my cousin to tell me, with all the love in her heart, to "go emo one corner", ha.

"我怀念的 是无话不说 我怀念的 是一起作梦
我怀念的 是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
（谁 记得）谁 忘了

我怀念的 是无言感动 我怀念的 是绝对炽热
我怀念的 是你很激动求我原谅 抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后 也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火 最长的相拥"



我怀念的 - 孙燕姿
我问为什么 那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么 不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我 不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着 把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸 狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的 是无话不说 我怀念的 是一起作梦
我怀念的 是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
（谁 记得）谁 忘了

我怀念的 是无言感动 我怀念的 是绝对炽热
我怀念的 是你很激动求我原谅 抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后 也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火 最长的相拥
　
谁爱得太自由 谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心 谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走 谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重 谁忘了要给你温柔
　
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
我放手 我让座 假洒脱 谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了 所以我 没有哭 没有说